"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I am 26.

Yes, I have been 26 ever since November. But it's still sinking in.

Yet, I look around at my life and see what it has become and somehow I am still unsettled.

Do you know what most 26 year olds are doing? Think about what you were doing when you were 26.

Let's see what I have "accomplished" by age 26:

-I have been married for 8 years

-I have a 7 year old son

-I started a business that is still in business, going on at least 5 years

-We bought our 1st home and have lived in it for around 3 years

-I have seen all of my sibling and sibling-in-laws get married, after me - in fact Kobe has been to all those weddings as well

-We decided to adopt which some how morphed into doing foster care

-I became an official foster mom the day S moved in

-I have fostered 2 kids (so far)

That's it. That is what I have done.

Do you want to know what most people my age are doing???

Getting engaged.
Planning their weddings.
Having their first child.

I have kept up with most of the people I graduated with and the one that is the closest to being where I am is married and has a 2-3 yr old son.

In a lot of ways I feel ahead of "the game". In equal amount of ways I feel like I haven't done enough yet.

Honestly, I know this all stems from thinking about the kids going or not going. Whatever the case might be right now. All the uncertainty of both situations has me feeling like EVERYTHING in life is unstable, but it's not.

S has court Wednesday. I am very nervous, but at the same time I do have God's peace, no matter how much I throw it away and start to worry again. I trust HIM to do what is right for her. I just hope it is what I think it is. Regardless, I will stand behind what HE decides.

And K's family still seems promising, yet seems to be in no hurry to move forward. I think they are getting ready, I am just surprised in the lack of urgency they have to get him under their roof. I am terrified that they will change their minds. I will not know what to do if that is the case. He would be devastated. I shouldn't worry about that one though, I am sure it will work out. At least I'm kinda sure it will.

And, to top it all of, I am annoyed. I am annoyed that a year has past and we don't know if the kids living under our roof are ours or not. Well, I know one of them isn't and I am scared to death the other isn't either and that is horrible. Foster care is exactly as horrible as it is made out to be. But, on the other hand the kids...oh, the kids. They are worth it. I wish I could tell people in a way they could understand that yes, it is hard, yes, it sucks sometimes BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE GLAD YOU DID IT! How do you tell someone that in a way they will get without hiding all the bad? I haven't figured that out yet.

Anyway, to end this post I will just say it.

I want two more kids, right now, that I know are mine.

I want to hear tomorrow that S is staying here.

That is the only thing that could fix my mood right now.

“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.” (Hebrews 6:10)


Rebekah said...

I know exactly how you feel, although I'm creeping to 30 much faster :).

I hope THIS is the year that some of your goals and dreams start to play out!

Happy half-way-through-the-year birthday! :)

Lindsay said...

That's funny! Matt and I were up late last night talking about how much we have done in the past almost 4 years we have been married....

Praying for you and S tomorrow, what time is court?

Leah Wentzel said...

around 2:30 pm i think

Shelly Marie said...

You that we are praying for tomorrow!!! I pray that God's will will be done!! Please, let me know what happens.

I really don't even remember what I was doing at age 26...mmmmmmmmmm lol

Created For His Glory said...

God is amazing through you!!!
See you Friday night :)

shelley said...

Well, Leah,
I was going to have 3 children by the time I was 30. I have one & I'm 37.
You know I wouldn't trade how things have turned out for anything. Lots of ups & downs for sure, but oh, it's all been worth it! It's so hard to see all the great things that are happening when we're in the midst of all the chaos, but once you look back, you'll KNOW that God took control & did what was exactly right for you & your family. Trust me - I know.

-Praying for you & your little ones.
Shelley Prieur

Erica Hami said...

Ha! I can so relate to this post... I'll be 25 in July about the same time I'll be giving birth to our third child... the ups and downs and crazy turns my husband and I have fit into the 7 short years since we have graduated HS is worthy of an award! It was nice to 'meet' you when you stopped by my blog recently. I intend to read through your foster to adopt story, my hubby and I are sorta/kinda on that road so it will be nice seeing it through your perspective.

StarfishMom said...

gorgeous!!! and well accomplished! :)

the johnson crew said...

i was 26 when i got my first boyfriend and i already had two sons who were already 9 and 10 by that time. :) kinda funny to look back and see all that has changed. God is so gracious to have allowed you to have experienced all that!