wow

Sometimes you just have one of those weeks where nothing is really wrong, but life just seems hard. I have always had to fight my negative "glass half empty" personality. I struggle with bouts of depression that have no basis and I have to constantly remind myself that there really is NOTHING WRONG. It is just a mood. Just hormonal. Just me.

And then I look around. I see families going through so much more than I ever dream I could bare if it happened to me and I think, wow, am I selfish. Wow, am I confused about what is worth getting upset about.

I don't have a child that CAN'T EVEN WEAR CLOTHES because they will rub his skin and give him terrible blisters.

I don't have a child who just had surgery on his heart.

I didn't just have a doctor tell me they think my baby's brain dead post surgery.

I have never had to bury one of my kids.

I'm not a confused little boy that wants to go home to his "mom" and keeps getting told he can't.

And the list goes on and on and on.

I think that part of my discontentment is from a lack of "getting it."  Not understanding exactly what I was made to do.  All I can do is fight, try my best and try to remember that there is more to life than a job, a nice house and a "perfect" looking family...it is supposed to be about this:

I often say that I hope some day I really get it.  That I will see this world through the eyes of Jesus instead of my own that are blinded my my humanity.  I really hope some day I get it.