June 11, 2008
Well, today I posted on my blog and it was so short because I couldn’t bring myself to let out our current plans to become adoptive foster care parents. I feel like #1 I have to talk to Ben before I do that and #2 I would rather be pretty far along in the process before I tell anyone. I am just not ready to I guess.
Yesterday I spent a lot of my day reading one woman’s blog from start to finish. Her and her husband could not get pregnant because of fertility issues and they decided to adopt thru the state. Her blog was so eye opening and it made me understand what a rough road we could be choosing. I keep praying that God will pave our way and direct us to do exactly what HE has planned for us, I give it over to HIM.
Anyway, the blog I read went like this:
-They became licensed Foster parents
-They had their first placement, a little boy with a cleft pallet.
-They had their second placement, a little girl with heart problems
-After a few months the Little girl dies from her heart problems. Her foster parents were the only parents she ever knew.
-State continually drags out TPRs (TPR-Termination of Parental Rights) on First little boy
-They get a call for a second placement-a little boy-they decide against it
-The get a call for a little girl-they get her
-she is with them for 6 or so months, her bio mom has another baby that is taken away by the state and so that baby and his sister are placed in another home together.
-Eventually their little boy becomes legal to adopt and they adopt him.
Why am I writing all this out? Because I could be getting myself into this and it looks like it will hurt. It will be wonderful when they are placed with you, day to day the kids will challenge you and at the end of the day you might loose them.
So, why do I still feel like that is the right thing? I don’t know. In all honesty it sounds horrible. I sometimes wish I didn’t feel like this was the right thing, and then God reminds me that was I decided to be a follower of Christ I decided to die to myself. It isn’t up to me any more and hopefully we as a family will be able to help some kids and give them a family to call their own even if it is for a short time.
Well, if I ever end up posting all of this for the world to see I have figured out what I would name it:
“What happens when you ask God and HE answers”
I was talking to my sister explaining to her why almost EVERY avenue of adoption sucks and then I tried to explain why it seems Ben and I are choosing probably the worst of the worst and that is all I could say…”What can you do when you ask God what to do and you get His answer? All you can do is trust HIM.” She understood. I hope other people do.
…but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.