"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Saturday, May 29, 2010


At the hospital Sunday night.
Playing in the sprinkler the week before.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Doom & Gloom

Obviously our family has been thru a lot this past year. I often spend my time on here blogging about how hard it is, how it effects all of us and what is going on.

Today was a very hard day. You can read about it here.

I have to believe that God, in whom I am trusting for the very salvation of my soul, is totally in control over what will happen tomorrow, what S will say and what will be decided.

I have to believe that this happened for a reason.

I am sorry that this has all turned into such a drag to read. It is a drag to write about it, more or less live it.

Hopefully in the coming days we will see God move in a huge way. I plan to see HIM move. I know HE has great plans for us and in the future they will hold a lot of joy. We have so enjoyed the good parts of taking care of our kids, they do over shadow all this horribleness. I can't wait to see God bring the JOY back.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


I will be posting any updates on S's "issue" on my private blog. I have been posting there all day and it helps me to not have to re-tell the story if everyone just checks there.

I will not be posting here every time I post over there so you will have to check in over there when you get a minute.

Thank you for all the prayers, comments and phone calls. Today was better than yesterday. That is as far as we have gotten.

It's amazing what a little paint can do.

See, you can tell by the shed in both pictures that it is the same house :)

We will be putting in landscaping this week if the company I want to use can get the stuff delivered soon. Every time I look at our house I see what it can/will be eventually. Ever since we bought it I have seen it through the eye of my brains ideas of how to change it. I/we are very slow about getting things done, when you have two work-a-holics in a house it doesn't leave much time for...anything. Throw in 3 kids and you can see how quickly we move.

My awesome mom and dad came over Saturday and Mom painted the sliding while my dad trimmed all of our trees. It looks so much better around here :) While I was washing all the siding so my mom could paint it I managed to unearth a crazy electrical problem on the outside of our house where the electric runs from the power lines into our house. The lines had no "weather head" on them, (only duck tape from the last owner!) and the wires when all in a metal pole. It ends up (once I sprayed water all over it-I know, I am a genus!) and at the top of the pipe the wires come out of it started buzzing and steam started coming out. I didn't think I had sprayed it anymore than normal rain would have, but I probably did, and obviously I was concerned about it. We called the power company to come out and it ended up that, of course, it was the part we are responsible for that was the problem. At one point the wires were arcing and it was popping so we had a friend from church, who is an electrician, come out to the house and he took a look and said all the wires had rubbed raw in the metal pipe they were in and that there was no weather head so we needed that plus the meter box and just about EVERYTHING needed to be changed out. Grrrrrreat. :) So, it ended up being an easier thing (and cheap) than we thought so that was good, they came out and fixed it rather quickly Monday morning. So, now all our outside electrical situation is band new too :)

I am hoping to get the indoor/outdoor room painted and the shed at some point. We'll see. I am much more excited about the landscaping.

Shelly's Shower for Levi & Landon

Monday, May 24, 2010

Very possibly the worst evening ever.

click here

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Over at http://www.storinguptreasures.com/ Courtney, a mommy of 10, 6 by birth and 4 by adoption, is raising funds for several other people's adoptions. You can click on the 10K in 20 DAYS button to read about it.

Money is always what is standing in the way of many kids getting adopted. Even $5 makes such a difference, especially if we all gave.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Relieved/Really Excited

I had gotten a little nervous/annoyed with K's adoptive family. They are...interesting people. They come off as trying to be really overly nice but then you can tell they may just think they are smarter, older and maybe just better than you. Maybe I should say us. I don't know. Anyway.

I have really pushed for K to be moved ASAP for two reasons.

1. He has added a lot of stress to our house
2. He wants to live with them, not us

I know after he leaves and their honeymoon stage is over reality will set is BUT I think he will continue to enjoy them. Their family dynamic is different from ours is so he will get lots more attention there so that will be huge for him. He also will not have the dominating force of an older brother to compete with. His soon to be older sister thinks he is a doll she can dress up and he doesn't seem to mind. Kobe is all boy and with K being so little sometimes that doesn't work out so well.

Anyway, their lack of urgency to get him in their house had me mildly concerned. K would be devastated if they just "disappeared".

Well, they have signed more paper work, the "intent to adopt" paper among other things, and now we are all working to get him moved on June 9th, the day they are ALL finished with school.

On the phone, "new mom" finally acted excited about K coming to live with them and I finally felt the urgency for them to get their boy home. I almost cried while talking to her because such a wave of relief came over me. This is K's family!!!! I am so excited for him, he just adores them all and I am so thrilled to NOT have to ask that he be moved! I have fought so hard to not have to do that, to NOT have to add one more move to his list and I am so happy we are seeing him go to a home that will care VERY well for him!!! They might come across like arrogant people, but I do know they will love him and take good care of him.

I should add, "new mom" apologized on the phone for crabbing at me the other day, so I can't say they are all bad.

I am just excited. I think June 9th will be the day that K goes home for the final time, I am really excited to see this family together officially!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Savannah's Birthday Party with us & Court

I can't believe I just typed all that out! you will have to go here to read/see it!!!!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

2 more months

They went to court.

In S's mom's eyes court went very badly.

In my eyes it went pretty good.

I have lots of details to share.

Like how God had the "referee" over seeing S's case have a family emergency so a different, much harder referee over saw the hearing which I think made a world of difference PRAISE GOD!

Anyway, I will tell this story in detail another day.

Right now, S's situation is to remain the same. She is to stay with us during the week and have supervised visits on the weekends at Gma's house.

Gma & Mom both have to attend more counseling and still prove that Gma's house is a safe stable environment for S.

They have set a court date for 2 months from now.

Thank you , in advance, Lord, for the next two months. We won't waste them.

Also, thank you to all my friends and family that took the time to check in with me, text me, leave me comments here. I am blessed to have people around me that truly care!

Today is court.

Today around 2:30 pm S's mom has a hearing scheduled. At the last hearing they set this date as the hearing they would hopefully be sending S home.

I truly to not know what is going to happen. I was planning on going until S threw up this morning. Now I am staying home and waiting to hear what happens. I am very worried that they will just send her home. In all honesty there are equal reasons to keep her in care as there is lack of paper evidence that she shouldn't go home.

So, as we know, it is in God's hands.

I have a VERY busy day tomorrow. Lots of work, kids and stuff that has to be done. Hopefully that will keep my mind off it.

I will let you know when I can what happens.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I am 26.

Yes, I have been 26 ever since November. But it's still sinking in.

Yet, I look around at my life and see what it has become and somehow I am still unsettled.

Do you know what most 26 year olds are doing? Think about what you were doing when you were 26.

Let's see what I have "accomplished" by age 26:

-I have been married for 8 years

-I have a 7 year old son

-I started a business that is still in business, going on at least 5 years

-We bought our 1st home and have lived in it for around 3 years

-I have seen all of my sibling and sibling-in-laws get married, after me - in fact Kobe has been to all those weddings as well

-We decided to adopt which some how morphed into doing foster care

-I became an official foster mom the day S moved in

-I have fostered 2 kids (so far)

That's it. That is what I have done.

Do you want to know what most people my age are doing???

Getting engaged.
Planning their weddings.
Having their first child.

I have kept up with most of the people I graduated with and the one that is the closest to being where I am is married and has a 2-3 yr old son.

In a lot of ways I feel ahead of "the game". In equal amount of ways I feel like I haven't done enough yet.

Honestly, I know this all stems from thinking about the kids going or not going. Whatever the case might be right now. All the uncertainty of both situations has me feeling like EVERYTHING in life is unstable, but it's not.

S has court Wednesday. I am very nervous, but at the same time I do have God's peace, no matter how much I throw it away and start to worry again. I trust HIM to do what is right for her. I just hope it is what I think it is. Regardless, I will stand behind what HE decides.

And K's family still seems promising, yet seems to be in no hurry to move forward. I think they are getting ready, I am just surprised in the lack of urgency they have to get him under their roof. I am terrified that they will change their minds. I will not know what to do if that is the case. He would be devastated. I shouldn't worry about that one though, I am sure it will work out. At least I'm kinda sure it will.

And, to top it all of, I am annoyed. I am annoyed that a year has past and we don't know if the kids living under our roof are ours or not. Well, I know one of them isn't and I am scared to death the other isn't either and that is horrible. Foster care is exactly as horrible as it is made out to be. But, on the other hand the kids...oh, the kids. They are worth it. I wish I could tell people in a way they could understand that yes, it is hard, yes, it sucks sometimes BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE GLAD YOU DID IT! How do you tell someone that in a way they will get without hiding all the bad? I haven't figured that out yet.

Anyway, to end this post I will just say it.

I want two more kids, right now, that I know are mine.

I want to hear tomorrow that S is staying here.

That is the only thing that could fix my mood right now.

“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.” (Hebrews 6:10)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

My little entrepreneur

Kobe got a new bike for his birthday.

Yes, mom the push over has been letting him ride it already.

But, if you think that is bad ask Ben about the BB Gun he bought him THE MINUTE I CROSSED OVER STATE LINES IN THE PLANE ON THE WAY TO FLORIDA.

Regardless, let's start over.

Kobe got a new bike for his birthday.

He decided he wanted to sell his old bike. On Sunday afternoon he cleaned up his bike, made a sign, and Kobe and Ben set it up out by the road.

While Ben cleaned the garage Kobe sat in a little chair watching his bike.

He counted how many people looked at it as they drove by.

One car pulled in...it ended up they just needed to turn around.

You could see Kobe was very disappointed.

He sat.

I actually kinda wanted to keep the bike for the next kid who needed a bike that size so I was thinking about buying it from Kobe. That would make 2 times I have bought that bike!

But, a couple minutes later Kobe ran in the house with a hand full of money and the biggest grin on his face.

Ben had asked him if he would sell it to me and Kobe's reply was "I want to give it two days and if it doesn't sell mom can buy it".

And then a woman pulled in who said she had just ran over her nephew's bike and bought Kobe's bike to give to him.

Kobe was so excited.

It meant so much more to him to sell the bike to a stranger, and not to mom.

I have to admit, I felt like God brought that lady along to encourage Kobe.

Thanks, God, for the little things.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Nap Time.

There are no two people on earth that need naps every day more than these two.
There are no two people on the earth that will come up with more excuses, whine more or do anything they can think up to get out of taking naps.
As you can see, everyday they prove me right. Whether they admit it or not.


In foster care there are a lot of thing that are not "official".

I am not officially their legal mom.

I am not even officially their legal guardian.

We are not even officially their family.

But, at the ENT this week, when Kobe picked up a book, without being asked, and started reading it to our little kids just because he knew they couldn't read it for themselves, I knew it was official.

He IS their big brother. Regardless of having a paper to back it up or not.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Weird. Hopeful. Hopeless.

There is a lot going on behind the scenes right now.

When it comes to S's hearing coming up it could mean everything.

Or nothing.

God is the only one who can take care of this.

I know HE will.

I'm just not good at the waiting part.

At some point I must have prayed for patience.

And that HE would strength my faith.

Because HE is working on me.

It's not comfortable.

But I am thankful HE cares enough to work on me.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Savannah's Birthday with her Biological family

You can see pictures here

also, if you do not have "permission" to view the link above, leave me your email address and I will send you an invite.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day

Dear Ben,

Thank you for making me a mom. I never knew how much I wanted to be one until I knew that there was a little life growing inside me.

Thank you for being there to help me be a successful mom, without you life would have been much harder than it was. You encourage me to be a better mom every day by being such a great dad.

Thank you for the gift of our son and thank you for taking it a step further and deciding to go out on a limb with me so I could also be a mom to kids that didn't have a mom at the time. You are a strong man, Benjamin.

I love you.


Dear Kobe,

Hunny, thank you so much for making me a mommy. From the day I met you YOU changed my life. You are the most precious gift I have EVER been given and I don't take that responsibility lightly.

Every time you show compassion towards another person it encourages me to as well.

I know this past year has been CRAZY, you had to share your mommy with two little "intruders" and you handled it with as much grace as anyone could expect you to. I am proud of you, you are doing something that most people are never asked to. You are being a big brother to kids who need a normal big brother to show them how to act.

You are doing great, I couldn't be prouder.

I love you!


Dear S,

S, you made me a foster mom. You are my first daughter and you have lived up to ever crazy thing I have ever heard about having a girl.

You are one resilient little girl and I am so proud that you still allow yourself to love people even though they keep disappearing. You are so beautiful and I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you.

No matter what, little girl, I will do any thing I can for you. I will fight for you and be there for you even if it is at a great distance.

Stay strong little girl, and know I ALWAYS love you.


Dear K,

Oh dear K, you have pushed me to my limits but with each sweet word and kiss you give makes all my frustration worth it. You are special K. There is a family out there that will see it and enjoy raising you.

I have to say, I am sorry we aren't that family. I am sorry I'm not your mommy, but I was proud to be that to you for the past 6 months.

K, God has BIG plans for you. I know HE has saved you more than once from a life that wasn't worthy of you. I am so grateful I got to join you for the last step of that journey before you go home. The pleasure was all mine hunny, now go and be GREAT.

I love you.


Saturday, May 8, 2010


I know they are celebrities.
I know they make it look perfect.
But it doesn't matter who, how or why.
Seeing a baby with it's family is precious.
And every time I see photos like these I smile.

Friday, May 7, 2010


My sister and I took off Saturday to go visit our Gma & Gpa. Gpa has been in and out of the hospital and isn't doing do well. I could go on and on about little things and funny stories from our trip (picture 2 women who are not fans of flying taking 4 flights in the span of 4 days missing our call to board at least to two of the flights because we thought we needed to run to the bathroom one more time because we were NOT going to be using the bathroom on the plane!) but, I am not up to it right now :)

We took very few pictures, here are a couple we did take:

Leah & Bobbie at the Ocean, we only went the morning we were to fly home. It was beautiful.

My Gma & Gpa's house with our Massachusetts's car in the driveway. When we got our rental car we weren't exactly sure that we weren't stealing some random person's car! That is a post for another day.

We got to see my Grandparents and that was all that mattered to us.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Photo Shoot

The day before I left for Florida I had a photo shoot for this cute little guy. He is 9 mo. old and his mom and dad had had me take some pictures of them as a couple before he was ever around. Then I got to do some pictures of him when he was only a month or two old. Now he is getting big and is a handsome little guys with lots of smiles, as long as grass isn't touching him! :)

Here are my favorites!

Isn't he cute?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I'm home.

wanna know how i know i'm home?

i had no time to take a real shower, blow dry my hair, or put on makeup before leaving the house.

3 days of being able to do those things was nice.

but waking up to my husband and kids was wonderful.

I'm home.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


In a post about two days ago I showed you this picture:
And explained that this was prior to being a mom of 3.

I just thought I would take a minute to show you what being a mom of 3 has done to me this year :)

It has given me this look of displeasure that my kids see...often.
It has given me wild, going gray I might add, hair that I do not feel the need to brush some days.
And had pushed me to perfect my scowl that I thought couldn't really get any better :)
Hopefully when I get home I will look a little more like I did last year :)

Monday, May 3, 2010

A note from the future.

Well, I hope Ben is at home having a nice restful time taking care of three kids. I assume I am having a good time too :)

I kind of have a mission that I am hoping to complete while I am away, will you guys pray that God's WILL will be accomplished and that I will be obedient and open to whatever he wants from me?



Sunday, May 2, 2010

Off to Florida

Well, if all went as planned I am in Florida right now. Here is a shot of me the last time I was in Florida.
Honestly, over the course of this year, I have thought back to that vacation many times thanking God for that time of fun, just the 3 of us.

It has been a year since then.

Last time I was in Florida I had never heard of S.

I had never heard of K.

So this is what I looked like before my life turned to utter chaos :)

Boy has Kobe grown and changed and still manages to make my life worth it.

I am so glad to have met both of my other kids. I can't wait for K to be in his permanent home and I can't help but to hope S already is. God knows.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Mom Lost Her Mind - Again

Often I find myself thinking up things for the kids to do that are tons of work for me, tons of mess, yet tons of fun for them.

I get bored easy, I think they do to. So, sometimes you have to get creative. To make a long story short, David was coming over to play and I thought it would be fun for them to play in water. The bath tub is too small for three little ones and it was too cold outside to play in water outside but our sunroom is usually the warmest room in the house if the sun is out.

Thus, pool in the sunroom was born:
It probably only has 3 or 4 inches of water in it but it is enough for the kids to splash around in and they love it.
We are on day two of pool in the sunroom so it will probably be emptied tonight.
But, it was fun while it lasted!!!