"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Friday, March 6, 2009

What Happens when you ask God and He Answers

So, there I sat in the Target parking lot.  Confused, overwhelmed and busy trying to shove any hopefulness down so deep within myself that I wouldn't be able to feel it when this didn't work out.  

Having been a pessimist for 25 years, I don't get too caught up in anything that is not set in stone, and nothing about this little boy's future was set in stone right now.

I decided I had better call Ben, which led to another problem.  Ben and I had discussed the hypothetical question of what we would do if Sherry couldn't adopt Buddy and Ben had been pretty clear that this particular situation was just too close.  We knew them.  They went to our church, lived literally 3 minutes from us and the thought of trying to change so much while so much stayed the same for Buddy would no doubt be very confusing for him.  I had told Ben I understood and had no intention of actually having to go back and ask him if we would be willing to take him despite what we had already discussed.  I felt like I was going back on my word to Ben.

So, I called Ben and told him.  Told him everything Ally said, including what I had said, that was the opposite of what Ben and I had come to an agreement upon.  I don't know what I had been worried about.  As soon as Ben heard my voice he knew in my heart I wouldn't be able to say no, God would have to shut the door himself.  Ben agreed that we could be willing to take him if it came up and that, after a period of adjustment to make sure that we could be a functional family, we could adopt Tyler.  If it came up.

I hung up the phone, yet again stuffed down any hopeful emotion that kept trying to poke it's head up inside me, and made my way back to Kobe's school.  He had a field trip that day and I was a driver.  

December 20, 2008


Yesterday I called Sherry just to check in on her and see what was going on. 

She told me that she spoke to “Roseanne”, a woman that has taken care of Buddy before her and has said if Sherry & Charles don’t want to adopt him she would, and asked her to consider what was best for Tyler and told her about us.  She said she would consider it. Sherry also called Buddy’s social worker and left her a message and plans on telling her about us when she calls her back.

Of course Ben and I have been discussing that many possibilities that surround us perhaps ending up with Buddy.  There are many questions and concerns, especially with us going to the same church as them and living so close to them.  I am hoping that it could be a positive thing, that not having to have them completely yanked out of his life would help him not feel so abandon but it might do the opposite.  I don’t know.  There are so many if’s and and’s and but’s it makes my head spin.  I know that the chances are slim in everything working out in our favor, but we all have to leave Buddy in God’s hands.  He loves him more than any of us do.  He will take care of him. 


To be continued...


gram said...

Thanks for finishing your story. I hope and pray the little boy will do well (hopefully with you) I know God has a plan but I can hope and pray. :)