"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Friday, January 29, 2010

I have been posting pictures

they are just all over here

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I am looking forward to the future.

I Corinthians 2:9 No eye has seen. No ear has heard. No mind has conceived what God has prepared for those that love Him.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Every once in a while I go on MARE to see who is on there & also, lately, I have been going on to see if they have posted K's picture on there yet.

Today I came across this little one. No, I am not thinking about adopting him, but his eyes pulled me right in. Will you click on this link and just pray for him? Stop what you are doing and pray. God wants a home for this child. He wants the best for him. Will you pray that God will give him those things and so much more?


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Letting Go

The day I found out S would be going for an overnight visit for Christmas was the day that snapped me into reality. It was the day I quit "pretending" that maybe she wouldn't be going back to her biological mom.

Since then, and directly after that time, I prayed and BEGGED God to get my head where it was supposed to be. To get me on board with her going home. If I had ever thought anything was impossible it was that. I honestly did not think I would ever be ok with her going home.

But, things have changed. God opened my eyes to a lot of things. Things that don't make sense to other people, but things that have made me some how be "on board" with her going home.

I guess that I have one thing that I hold on to for dear life when it comes to dealing with all of this:

S loves her mom and her mom loves her.

It is true. I can't deny it. Regardless of the attachment I have to S and she has to me and our family, I honestly think she wants to be with her mom. She was put in an impossible situation. Taken away from her mom and given to strangers. Obviously she is going to miss her mom. Obviously, after time, she would begin to love us. At the same time, we were brought to the same issue. We loved a little girl that isn't ours (legally).

I have opened up to S's mom. I talk to her on the phone. I try to encourage her. I try to be happy for her-and in many ways I do feel happiness for her when it comes to all this coming to an end.

So, I prepare to say good bye to my first daughter. It started with her spending Christmas with her other family. It continues every day when I hug her for a couple seconds longer than I normally would. It happens when I stare at her for an extra moment because before I know it she won't be here to stare at.

In all honesty, despite the sadness I feel, I am happy for S. I am happy for her mom. And I will gladly take the sadness that was brought by the joy we have had being her family for this time. It is an every day thing, me saying good bye to that little girl, but I would, and will, do it all over again. I will take the bad so I can enjoy the good. It is so so worth it.


I just found out the next hearing will be February 24th. Not in March as I though it would be.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Wordless Saturday

Friday, January 22, 2010

Printable Coupons

I just posted several links to printable coupons over at http://gooddealsorfree.blogspot.com

New Post

Over Here

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

new post

Kenny got his hair cut

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

This - That - And the other thing


Ben seems to finally be over the sickness we got after Christmas. He goes to work all the time, plays with the kids when he gets home then repeats it the next day :)

He is working at the auto show a couple times this week and said there seem to be fewer cars there this year.

He grew his beard back and I love it.


Is tired :) I am working on work stuff, running the coupon class at our church, taking care of sick & well kids and just running our household. I am busy pretty much all the time. I will be attending # 7 of our 9 week PRIDE class tonight. It is a required class that foster parents have to take. Last week was on discipline. It was super boring.


Is having fun playing basketball, had the 24 hour throw up flu yesterday on his day off so he has today off too. He has been going over to friend's houses a lot lately and spent the night at a friend's on Friday.
Currently, he and Kenny are running around the house making noise.


K is doing really well. He has stopped, for the most part, crying when he doesn't get his way. Now he sticks out his lips and pouts but I can deal with that :)

K is very sweet to everyone he meets and is learning how to fit in our family. Of course, because they are together 24/7 he and S are very close and are my "twins" or my "Littles". I could go on and on and on about all the "things" I see in K that are a result of living in Foster Care his whole life, but that is a post for another time. K seems happy and for now that is what is working for all of us.


S has a constant runny nose. I don't know what that is about. She is doing good though. Being a typical 2 year old. Boy is she smart and sneaky. She is getting so big, she doesn't look like the little tot that came to live with us all those months ago.

Her next hearing is in March, around the 9th. I am preparing myself to hear, on that day, it is time for S to go home. They have not completed any of what needed or needs to be done in order for her to go home but the state of Michigan doesn't care. She will have been in care for 1 year in March and they want her home in order to keep their numbers down. So, it is like a ticking time bomb. In March I will find out when my first daughter will leave. It may be just days after the hearing. Maybe less.

I have found my own way to deal with this. I can't really say it is "what is best for everyone" but I am happy for their family as best I can be. I want to S to grow up with out wondering "Why didn't my mom keep me?" and I am finding a lot of my comfort in that.

As a whole, we have been having fun with the kids. It is such a great opportunity for me to let Kobe grow up, for Ben and I to start making time without the kids a priority and enjoy all the time we do have together as a family. Our family is an odd group of people who love each other that only God could have put together and we love it.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Free Stuff! More free photo cards...

Read about it here

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Upward Basketball 2010

Holy cow, how is it 2010 already? Anyway, last Saturday Kobe played his first game for the season.
He is noticeably better than last year. He is a very good dribbler and shoots...
..the time. :)
I think he ended up with 9 baskets at the end of the game.
He really enjoys it but was very tired because he played the whole game and sprinted up and down the court the whole time.

He is definitely his father's son.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Dear Jane Doe Letters

Dear Older White Lady in Meijers,

I am used to people looking at me and my two little ones and trying to figure out why we don't "match". I am not totally oblivious. I see the looks people give me once they "do the math" and assume that my kids do not all have the same father. You are right-they don't. But, lets get something straight - you don't know me.

You don't know anything about me and my kids accept how we look. And, for the most part, what color we are. My kids are all different colors and if you want to look at them, repeatedly, in the store you could at least crack a smile as you stare into their little beautiful faces. I don't know how you could look right at them and do anything but smile. And, if you didn't notice, they were being extremely well behaved. They weren't running, or screaming, or crying, or grabbing things off the shelves. They are good kids. I am a good mom. And, I am sorry their Dad wasn't at the grocery store to prove I am not a single mom with at least two kids of different ethnic background. He was at work making a living to take care of our family that we are proud of.

I almost wish I hadn't bitten my tongue as you went past, staring at my kids with no smile on your family, for the third time - but I guess had I picked a fight with you I would have some what "proven" what you were already thinking. I can't help but hope that you fell in the parking lot on your way out of the store wonder how you could see anything accept a child with their mom at the grocery store. While does it have to be anything besides just that?

Anyway, enjoy your miserable day. I hope someday when you see a family like ours you will be able to see it for what it is: A beautiful picture of God's grace and love in ALL of our lives.


The White Trash Mom of two Ethnically Different Children you saw in the Store on Monday

Dear Lady at Upward,

Thank you for going out of your way to smile at me and tell me how beautiful my family is. It isn't a big thing to say a few nice words but the difference it can make is huge.

It is people like you that make me still believe in humanity - especially people a few generations older than me. I am often shocked at how those generations judge and are so unaccepting of a family like mine.

You are right, my family is beautiful just the way it is. It is going to continue to grow and change and I don't think we will even "match" again but I'm ok with that. I LOVE that.

Thank you for speaking God love to me on Saturday, it meant a lot.


Mommy to Three Gorgeous Kids - for now

Sunday, January 10, 2010

"I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal."

"You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy? Ok, who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter!"

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Adoption Worker

Well, K's adoption worker came over today. She has a very heavy heart about K's last home. She honestly is questioning her job-wondering if she can do this anymore after this last home.

She gave me the papers to start the adoption process. We are still not sure if we will be filling them out or not. I asked her to still put K up on the M.A.R.E. website incase we decided not to adopt him. She said she is going to wait a couple weeks.

Apparently K's current Judge over his case is the same judge that removed him from his mom 4 years ago. She is horrified by these events and said that she will be overseeing K's case from here on out (it had been being overseen by a referee ever since he was taken away). She wants to find him a good home and said "we are failing him".

On, the way out of the house the adoption worker saw the huge frame I have right by the front door with pictures of all my kids in it. When she saw the pictures of K she almost started crying and said "You know, I don't think I ever have seen a picture of K. Never at the other house. This is what kids need." I told her, "I know you don't know me from anyone, but he is safe. He is safe here and I will not let him go to another bad home."

And I meant it.

Free Canvas 8x10 print

Go here to order you FREE 8x10 canvas from the Canvas People.

Shipping is $14.99 - making the canvas is easy!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Saga Continues...but maybe in a different way

I noticed that I never posted how S's appt with the surgeon that removed her tumor went. Turns out S is going great. The blood test came back good, he took a look at the scar and said it was everything they could hope for and was also amazed that she was potty trained. It is actually a big funny story that I have told a few people but I am too tired right now to get into it. Everything is good though and he said that he doesn't need to see her again. The chances of the tumor coming back are as close to zero as they could be and her feet turning in is a completely didn't unrelated issue.

After this appt I knew it was all over. Because the "medical neglect" not causing any damage to S means the courts will not care. In the words of S's attorney, "We already know she has crappy parents, she is in foster care."

Lovely quote huh?

Anyway, since S went home for Christmas, which went fine btw, I have been embracing reality and my pleas to God that "I would get on the winning side of this" seem to have been heard because I am at peace. I know S is going home. I feel like she is going home-which is what I needed. I needed to feel it for it to be real to me. I have been working on my relationship with her Mom and she has reached out to me in several ways that I appreciate. When I say I am at peace I mean it. God has a plan.

Now, onto K. K was only supposed to be here for 2 weeks. Now he has been here two months, by our choice. Ben & I love K. The best way to describe how we feel about him is "protective". K needed a voice. He needed someone to stand up for him, and I did that. I made sure that he was not going back to that horrible home and it is official. He, nor any other foster child, will be going back to that woman. K's adoption worker called me yesterday and boy was that interesting. Interesting facts:

#1 - K adoption with the bad foster mom was within two weeks of being finalized when he was pulled out of the home.

#2 - The adoption worker wants to come out this Wednesday to take a picture of him to be on M.AR.E.

#3 - You will have to click here to read about.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Christmas Morning 2009

Papa with the babies.

We had a great Christmas morning at my parent's house. We didn't take many pictures, we had fun just being with family, eating, opening up presents and holding other people's babies :)

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy 2009!

Wow! Have things changed over the course of 12 months around here, if you would like to see the highlights of 2009 here they are!








Chris Graduated from the police academy!


Ben and I celebrated our 8th Wedding Anniversary!


I continued to struggle to potty train Savannah


We got a new car!


I turned 26! Yuck!

I got used to being a mom to three

Savannah was officially potty trained!


And we have been sick as dogs around here ever since the end of December!

Holy cow, life has been CRAZY, and I can't wait to see what this year brings! I am hoping for more kids, yes I am crazy like that, and for God to create a great family for us and to use all of us to do HIS will!

I do anticipate Savannah going home this year, probably around March, so that will be hard, but I know God has a plan and years from now I will look back and smile at what HE did in our lives - even when it was hard.

Our family Christmas 2009

click here