December 22, 2008
I talked to Shannon from Alternatives about Buddy. I asked her how soon she thought Buddy would be taken out of Sherry’s home-she said she was surprised he hadn’t been already. That broke my heart, especially after talking to Sherry this morning and her expressing a concern about exactly that. I also asked Shannon what she thought the chances were of Buddy being placed with us. Basically she said if no relatives decide to take him we actually have a good shot of having him placed with us, especially because we would adopt him. We need very badly to get this all rolling. I wish that I had had all this finished months ago-but I know God can do the impossible.
Sherry called me this morning and told me she thought I need to call Buddy’s social worker Deb myself so I got off the phone and called her immediately. I did not reach her but I left a detailed message.
Sherry also told me that Roseanne, the relative that would take Buddy when he is taken from Sherry, mentioned that she too might know a family who would want him. Sherry didn’t seem to believe her.
December 30, 2008
Tonight Sherry had a HUGE dinner at her house. By huge I mean it seems she invited everyone they know. I only went for one reason-time with Buddy. Since Sherry had asked me to consider taking Buddy I have almost been avoiding him. I don’t want to get attached, I don’t want to feel sad over something that never was, I don’t want to worry about things I can’t change. But, regardless, life is not about me, so I have to do what is best for Buddy and if we do get him, being used to me would be best.
At first when I walked into Sherry’s house I didn’t think I would see him at all-there was just TOO much going on, but after chatting with a few ladies from church I wondered down stair to find Kobe and found him playing with Buddy. So, I sat at a table with some familiar faces from church and watched. I watched Kobe run from Buddy in this circle around the basement while Buddy chased him with a horse headed stick. I watched Kobe laugh so hard and Buddy smile so big and play so hard. He’s gorgeous. He’s so little. He’s not mine.
So, as the kids played I saw a boy Kobe’s age making Buddy cry by taking his toys from him and of course I had to stick up for him. When you are a mom your motherly instincts do not always keep their mouth shut.
Eventually Sherry pulled Buddy upstairs to eat dinner and with the house so full of people I told Kobe it was time to go. As I walked upstairs to get our coats off Sherry’s bed I heard crying. I walked past Buddy’s bedroom and heard him in bed crying. I stopped at the door, knowing that he was probably in there for a reason, I only paused for a second and then lightly touched the door and said a little prayer for God to take care of Buddy in ways we can’t. Then I walked down stairs.
On the way home God and I had a little chat. At first I was struggling to find the right words, the right request to bring before the God that knows what is best for Buddy. I found myself not able to even ask God to let Buddy come live with us. I then tried out praying in a more general, that Buddy would end up in a good family. That didn’t fit either. As I struggled to say and feel what was right, I finally landed at “Not our will but thine be done.” The only words that fit. The only words that are truly my hearts desire. The ones that if we hold to give us hope for a future that will bring us the right ending.
Oh Lord, you know our hearts, not our will, but Thine be done.
January 19, 2009
Yesterday at church Sherry told me that Buddy is being moved on Friday. Today is Monday. He is going to be living with the relative that has wanted him all along if Sherry & her husband did not adopt him.
I didn’t cry when Sherry told me. I knew if I did she would. I didn’t want to do that to her.
After I was done talking to her I gave Buddy a hug. I hate to even admit it to myself because it makes me sad but I know I could be a good mommy to him. I know that I could love him the same way I love Kobe. I know that he would have a good life with us. And I hate that we might not have a chance to give that to him. But then I go back to trusting God and knowing that where ever God puts Buddy, God will have his hand on Him. God cares about him more than the rest of us ever could and He know, He knows.
So here is what I do know that would lead me to believe there is a tiny chance he still may end up with us.
The lady he is going to live with is close to 60 years old. 3 year olds are demanding, enough said.
She has 3 months to go through and become a licensed foster parent. I hope she doesn’t do it. Just being honest.
Even if she tries to get licensed I don’t know that she will get approved, which is kinda what I am hoping for.
So, with that said I am hoping for a miracle. A real one.
To be continued....