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"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Friday, February 26, 2010

As you can imagine...

...recent events have kinda taken a told on me emotionally. I don't have much to say about all of it. I am waiting to watch God MOVE. He will, but in the mean time I feel like I am at a stand still. So, for the next 7 days you will have to log in to my other blog every day to see the new posts I will be posting of pictures I have taken of the kids but haven't posted yet. There are some good ones so check back often over the next week.

My kids like lots of the same.

The title of this post is basically a caption for this picture. It has nothing to do with this post.


Yesterday, S's social worker looked at me and said "The next court date is May 19th and she is going home."

I was told that because in May it would be 15 months since she was in care (per new requirements Michigan has taken up), basically, when kids hit 15 months they are supposed to terminate the parent's rights. Because they don't want to do that, regardless of mom's progress, they will send her home.

Mom would have to REALLY have to mess up in order for her to not go home.
So, we shall see, please pray for the judge to make a good decision.


Also, because we have decided to not pursue adopting K I am actively looking for a family for K. There is a chance I know someone that might be interested, if they end up being interested it would be such a divine God thing so pray for that as well.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Our family of Five

S's mom had court today. The news is that the next hearing will be on May 24th, so for that time, unless something changes, she will be living with us but will now be going to spend the weekends with her mom.

I was relieved that it was not time for her to go home yet. It is hard that it is still looming and obviously things are moving forward seeing how they are letting her spend the nights there on the weekends. There is a lot that happened in court and in a way, Mom is back at square one. She has a lot to do before S is officially sent home.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Guess who just turned One?

Noah turned 1 on the 15th! Happy Birthday Noah!
He is having his BIG birthday party this Sunday, but he came over and celebrated his real birthday with us!







And, yes, he is walking all over the place :)

Memorial Box Monday



Well, it is time for another look back at what God has done in our lives. It is Tuesday so I am a day late, but going back and reading the beginning of our fostering journey has been good for me today. Tomorrow S's mom has court. We might find out that S is going home within the week. We might find out that she will be with us another 30 days. I don't know the out come but I am confident that I can trust God with our S.

Here is the story of how God made it VERY clear that adoption IS in our future:

For the past couple months God had been really impressing on me that it was time for He and I to have alone time again. I have always struggled with devotions and specific prayer time, but lately I could tell I need more time with just God. Plus, my Mom has been after me in a sweet way to make sure I have that time with God, especially when I would talk to her about any stress in my life or just in general conversation she would bring it up. I think God knew she was the only one I could hear that from that I wouldn't take offense to. So, for the past few weeks I had taken up getting up and going out into our sun room and curling up with my Bible, reading a few chapters and then praying.

Well, this morning I had gone into my time with God thinking I needed some answers. It was time to figure out what Ben and I should do about adding to our family. We both wanted more kids and I had been leaning towards trying to get pregnant again but just never was able to do anything that would lead to that. It scared me and Ben. After such a hard first pregnancy we both weren't sure if that was the right thing to do.

So, that morning after reading my Bible I got on my knees and asked God what I should do. As a couple tears dropped from my eyes I asked God "If we are supposed to try to get pregnant, God, we would love to. But if we are supposed to adopt we would love to do that too. I just don't know what to do or how to know what YOU want us to do." and then I decided to get a little bold and asked, "God if we are supposed to adopt will you have Ben bring it up and want to do it? He never brings it up and then I would know. I trust you. In Jesus name, Amen."

A little less than a week after I prayed that prayer Ben and I ended up going out to dinner by our selves. (Kobe was at Grandma Wentzel's of course :) ) Ben and I sat at the restaurant waiting for our food and we were talking about our health insurance. Because we don't use it that much and we pay for it our selves we had let it get to where we had a really high deductible and a pregnancy and delivery would probable cost us $5000 out of pocket. Ben had talked to the rep at his work and found out how to move things around so if I was to get pregnant around November we could switch stuff and have a much better insurance by the time I had to deliver. I say November because I had decided we needed to figure out what we were going to do and I was going to turn 25 in November and if pregnancy was in the cards I wanted to do it sooner rather than later.

So, there we are, running over numbers, talking about all of this and Ben blurts out "We should just adopt." It was very off the subject we were on and I just looked at him and said, “OK”. And that was that. Like we both knew that was the end of the pregnancy talk and the beginning of what we were going to do. So quickly, so out of no where, so GOD.

It took me a couple days to tell Ben about my prayer and how God had answered it. As we laid in Bed one night a couple days later I finally told him about my prayer. Ben said he had noticed that I looked a little surprised after he had suggested we just adopt. He said that he then understood why all the sudden he had become very OK with the idea of a domestic adoption. God is so good.

So, now it is up to God, as it always is, to show us what to do. I have been researching and trying to make a game plan for us. God is Faithful.

We don’t know when, where or how, but we got our answer.

It will be interesting to see what God has planned for us.

It is May 31, 2008 as I type this and I can think of nothing else to say but God is Good.

To see what God has done since He led us to foster/adopt look on the right hand side of my blog and click on all the link for the rest of the story...so far :)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

My S girl

new post here

Funny

I came across this old video today and it was cracking me up click here

Monday, February 15, 2010

Memorial Box Monday

Over at http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/ every Monday morning "Linny" tells about something AMAZING God has done in her or her family's life that is worth remembering. She also has a "box" that she keeps little mementos in that signify these events. She has explained that "A Memorial Box is of utmost important in my life because over the years God has done some amazingly awesome things for me and for those I love, but quite frankly, we are a dang forgetful people. If we did not purposefully gather symbols representing the times of His faithfulness we would barely remember them! BUT when we have set aside a place to remember His faithfulness, in difficult times, we can look and say, "This situation is awful - BUT look what God did for me/us before - I'm trusting that He will show up and get me through this painful trial!"

I couldn't agree more. It is so easy to forget the BIG things God has done because we are constantly surrounded by things that draw our attention away from God. So, I would like to share something BIG God did in my life with everyone who reads my blog.


Years ago, back when Kobe was around 2 1/2, I would often go see Ben at work. Talk about a simpler time! I only had one kid and was just starting our business, anyway, back to the story.

To get to Ben's work I would have to drive half an hour on the expressway and exit onto a very busy road that is full of Michigan left turns. I wasn't in a huge hurry, but at the age I drove like I was always in a huge hurry. When I was younger I had the tickets to prove it.

Well, I had to make a Michigan left to turn onto a road close to Ben's work and as I sat in the turn around waiting to see an opening I watched the cars. There was a space coming with a car coming at me to my left with its blinker on acting as if it was going to turn before it go to me. It was the perfect opening to slide into traffic - then I heard HIS voice tell me, "You aren't in a rush. WAIT." And, as I paused I saw that same car change their mind at the last second and serve right back to where my car would have been had I gone. Right into the side of the car my little 2 1/2 year old was sitting in.

As I then made my turn in the all clear I shook. I had seen EXACTLY what God had stopped from happening. He saved my little boy. He saved me. HE spoke to me and stopped me. I shook.

God is real. I look back on that day often and thank HIM for speaking to me. I thank HIM for making me hear! All too often I still shake off that soft voice telling me to do something and then remembering this makes me stop and listen because I have seen what can happen if I don't.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

OOPS!


I posted the wrong (old) video! Here is the monster truck ride!

Monster Truck Ride

Friday, February 12, 2010

Snow Day

Wednesday was so fun! We had a great snow day, the kids had a blast being snowed in and playing in the snow!

Ben was home, because he has been sick, but he shoveled/snowblowed the driveway and made the kids a fort. It was the first time this winter we had really played in the snow.

After the driveway was done the kids slid around the driveway in their sleds. No pictures, I was too busy pulling/pushing them on the sleds.




One last shot over here

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I am just so confused.

Uggg.

Why does nothing go the way it should?

As if foster care isn't hard enough.

As if I don't loose enough sleep over it as it is...



When we first started out we said we wouldn't take a placement that we knew was only short term for sure.

What was the first thing I did? I said yes to a short term placement.


We also said we would only take kids under 3 years old.

What did I do when I was called to take a 4 year old boy? I took him.



So, maybe I shouldn't be surprised things aren't working out the way I hoped they would, but, didn't I do the right thing?



I love these kids. I'm not going to lie-they have been taking turns driving me nuts for the past 8 months but it doesn't matter, I LOVE THEM.


So, with that being said, shouldn't something about this be easy? I'll even take easy-ish at this point. How about even moderately hard? That would be better than this I think.



S is going home. OK, honestly, I have pondered that thought to death. So much so that I am ok with it. How that happened I will never know but it is true. I think it is time for her to go home and I will be relieved to have it done and over with and no longer hanging over my head. By the time she leaves I will have acted as her Mom for 9 months. How did this all happen so fast?

S is a difficult child. She is so torn. She loves her bio mom and she loves us. She also has genetic behaviors that I am thankful that I will not have to deal with in the years to come. I want a good life for her. I hate that, from what I see right now, the likelihood of that isn't very good.

And, then there is K. K is so sweet. He is so ready to please. He is constantly trying to figure out what you want from him. What you want him to say, how you want him to act, he does everything based on survival mode tactics. It is really really sad.

From the minute I saw him I didn't feel connected to him. I wondered if I should even take him home with me. But, I did. I'm glad I did, but boy has that put me in the worst, most confusing spot ever.

K is available for adoption. When we started this "fostering thing" I thought that if a child ended up in our house that was sweet and cute and ALL the things K is AND adoptable - adoption would be a no brainer. That has turned out to not be the case. And, I don't know how this happened.


It doesn't fit. HOW DOES IT NOT FIT! How does he not belong in this family? Why is he here? Why do we have no peace? Why can't I even look through the adoption papers? Why have we decided no?


I don't understand it. All I know is that we both feel it.

We love him. I don't want him to leave. This wasn't supposed to be how this all went. That is my opinion. This isn't how it was supposed to go.

Some days I think that I would and will love to foster for the next 20 or 30 years. Other days I think how many more days can I do this?


It is an interesting life. I love the good and I hate the bad. I love the kids and I hate the decisions that have to be made. I am so happy I could burst and so sad I don't want to deal with any of it.


I am just so confused.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Praise God!

Just a quick note to say last night Ben felt A LOT better!!! He actually could sleep and the coughing has calmed down so I got some sleep too! I am so happy that he is feeling better, I hate when he is sick!

Monday, February 8, 2010

This month marches on.


I don't blog much when I am busy.


I don't blog much went I don't want to talk about "things".


I don't blog much when I don't want to keep whining about the same things.





Our lives are busy, Ben is sick, S has a double ear infection, Kobe has a V-day party coming up & I am working on getting K into school.


It really is not that exciting.


No, I haven't heard anything about S staying or going, I won't until the 24th or maybe even the 25th. I am ready to bite the bullet and get this over with in a way. I will miss her but delaying the inevitable is turning out to not be my thing.

With S's departure coming I am pushing hard to get K into school because he will drive me crazy at home all day without S. Seriously, crazy.

I don't know what Ben has, maybe if he went to the doctor the doctor would tell him what he has, but he hasn't gone yet. My family likes to get sick on Fridays so that it is totally inconvenient to get in to see the doctor. We are cool like that.


Things I am looking forward to:


-THIS TUESDAY NIGHT WE DON'T HAVE TO GO TO PRIDE TRAINING!

-We are switching stuff in the house around, I am looking forward to that being done.

-V-day (at least I think I am looking forward to that)

-Noah's BIRTHDAY! Miracle baby is turning ONE! :)


That is it for now.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Monster Trucks


Saturday evening Ben took Kobe to see Monster Trucks, ATVs & Dirt Bikes. He surprised Kobe by telling him that he (Ben) had some work thing he had to go to and asked Kobe if he would come along. Kobe was very excited once he saw where they were.




Ben & Kobe got to ride in one of the trucks...


Yes, my son is in that crazy truck pictured below!


Kobe had a ton of fun, Ben got him a red monster truck toy that is now a new prized possession.
While Kobe and Ben were gone I decided to take the littles to the bounce house in Courtland Mall. They LOVED it! They played and play. After that we went to Qdoba's and had dinner at which they started feeding each other chips and laughed about it a lot.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

God can move mountains

A little while ago I posted a link asking for prayer for a little boy I found on the MARE website. I won't deny the fact that a part of me hesitates to post things like that because-honestly, Will any one pray? Will anyone care? Will everyone just think I am trying to show off how "spiritual" I am? (the hilarious part of that thought is that out of everyone, trust me, I am the person who is least impressed by my lack of where I need to be in my spiritual life)


Then, I came upon this post and had to share it.

Praying for these kids matters. So many people tell me "I couldn't do what you are doing" (talking about the foster care) and I always think to myself "I don't know how you can't do what we are doing!" But it all boils down to not everyone is called to do exactly what we are doing. But, everyone is called to do their part.

Take a look at this post and see what GOD does when we, those of us who are and are not called to foster or adopt, do what we CAN do to help!

Monday, February 1, 2010

The guillotine is 24 days from dropping

Wow. Where did the last 8 months go.


Wow. We got to have her 6 months more than they told us we would.


Wow. On the 24th we find out what will happen and when.


Wow. In March S will have been in care for 12 months.


Wow. I think I may actually live through her leaving.


Wow. God is carrying us all through.