"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Dear Jane Doe Letters

Dear Older White Lady in Meijers,

I am used to people looking at me and my two little ones and trying to figure out why we don't "match". I am not totally oblivious. I see the looks people give me once they "do the math" and assume that my kids do not all have the same father. You are right-they don't. But, lets get something straight - you don't know me.

You don't know anything about me and my kids accept how we look. And, for the most part, what color we are. My kids are all different colors and if you want to look at them, repeatedly, in the store you could at least crack a smile as you stare into their little beautiful faces. I don't know how you could look right at them and do anything but smile. And, if you didn't notice, they were being extremely well behaved. They weren't running, or screaming, or crying, or grabbing things off the shelves. They are good kids. I am a good mom. And, I am sorry their Dad wasn't at the grocery store to prove I am not a single mom with at least two kids of different ethnic background. He was at work making a living to take care of our family that we are proud of.

I almost wish I hadn't bitten my tongue as you went past, staring at my kids with no smile on your family, for the third time - but I guess had I picked a fight with you I would have some what "proven" what you were already thinking. I can't help but hope that you fell in the parking lot on your way out of the store wonder how you could see anything accept a child with their mom at the grocery store. While does it have to be anything besides just that?

Anyway, enjoy your miserable day. I hope someday when you see a family like ours you will be able to see it for what it is: A beautiful picture of God's grace and love in ALL of our lives.


The White Trash Mom of two Ethnically Different Children you saw in the Store on Monday

Dear Lady at Upward,

Thank you for going out of your way to smile at me and tell me how beautiful my family is. It isn't a big thing to say a few nice words but the difference it can make is huge.

It is people like you that make me still believe in humanity - especially people a few generations older than me. I am often shocked at how those generations judge and are so unaccepting of a family like mine.

You are right, my family is beautiful just the way it is. It is going to continue to grow and change and I don't think we will even "match" again but I'm ok with that. I LOVE that.

Thank you for speaking God love to me on Saturday, it meant a lot.


Mommy to Three Gorgeous Kids - for now


Ben said...

No matter what people think when they see you with our kids, they are here because God put them with us. They are lucky to have a GREAT Mommy! I love you!

P.S. You could have taken her! :)

spng7 said...

From the time I was a kid I always thought a brand new box of crayons was the greatest thing. You open it a nd there are all those different colors. Things, people, nothing was meant to be the same color. I hope that just as there are many shades of green, God intended for people to be just as diverse. Only small people judge by the color of skin. They are not worth your time, and "they know not what they do". I read that somewhere once. Love you and all your beautiful family.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I feel like I need a sign around my neck that answers all the questions-

Yes, they are all mine.
No, there are no twins.
I do it day by day.

Now that we've adopted I really plan to drive people nuts. Because of the way birthdays fall I will have 3-4 yr olds. And they're not triplets!!!

Lauren said...

Again you bring me to tears... I do not see Ella as a different color. She is White just like Michael and I. But since she has the most beautiful tan skin you and I are overly jealous of I get labled. Yes I am really a single mom with 2 babies who have different dad's. I have had people come up to me tell me how pretty she is then flat out ask if she is "mixed" ask where her dad is from....all sorts or weird things.

I love you and I feel your pain. And I know how awesome it feels when people just see the beauty of my babies and tell me how lucky I am to have them!

Leah Wentzel said...

I forgot how you must run into that Lauren and I am happy to be in such good company :)

Always Faith said...

We haven't had to deal with that yet because so far our kids have all kinda "matched" but i know what you're talking about...some people just don't "get" it. sorry you had to deal with that, but I had to laugh at some of your letter and at ben's comment. *hugs* hang in there...

Leah Wentzel said...

faith, i have to find the humor in it - or i would loose it! :)

Alyssa said...

I just saw this post for some reason. I missed it on the updates. Anyways, I would have to say ditto to all the above comments :).
Sometimes with people like that, I just overly kill them with kindness. They are everywhere, and they are the ones that we use as examples to our kids not to be! :)
So sad. That is exactly what it is, and exactly what people like that are.
Thank the Lord for the ones who speak up and encourage, or even just smile. God gives us just what we need :)
Love you, Leah! Focus on truth!

the johnson crew said...

We have encountered both scenarios as well (however most people think we are a daycare).

People often do have misconceptions, and it is sad the way the judgmental ladies responded to you, but what an awesome way to demonstrate Christ. Looking at His life and the way he was often mistreated and judged and he always responded humbly and out of love. - That is what I want my kids to see in me as a mother.

Many times, my kids have been asked questions why they are black and their mamma is white. We speak the truth to our kids always, however we constantly remind them that the is how God chose for our family to be and that it is beautiful because He planned it that way.

One time when Marco was in 2nd grade a kindergardener asked him "why are you black and your mom is white?" he responded "haven't you ever seen a family like this, look around, they are everywhere!"

cindy said...

Ditto Alyssa!! Well said

Becca B. said...

I feel you on both of these letters!

I've had both of these ladies give me the same treatment...

Thankful to have someone to commiserate with, God is good, and I trust Him, just as I know you do.

Rebekah said...

Ug. People are awful. And wonderful :).