I am 26.

Yes, I have been 26 ever since November. But it's still sinking in.

Yet, I look around at my life and see what it has become and somehow I am still unsettled.

Do you know what most 26 year olds are doing? Think about what you were doing when you were 26.

Let's see what I have "accomplished" by age 26:

-I have been married for 8 years

-I have a 7 year old son

-I started a business that is still in business, going on at least 5 years

-We bought our 1st home and have lived in it for around 3 years

-I have seen all of my sibling and sibling-in-laws get married, after me - in fact Kobe has been to all those weddings as well

-We decided to adopt which some how morphed into doing foster care

-I became an official foster mom the day S moved in

-I have fostered 2 kids (so far)

That's it. That is what I have done.

Do you want to know what most people my age are doing???

Getting engaged.

Planning their weddings.

Having their first child.

I have kept up with most of the people I graduated with and the one that is the closest to being where I am is married and has a 2-3 yr old son.

In a lot of ways I feel ahead of "the game". In equal amount of ways I feel like I haven't done enough yet.

Honestly, I know this all stems from thinking about the kids going or not going. Whatever the case might be right now. All the uncertainty of both situations has me feeling like EVERYTHING in life is unstable, but it's not.

S has court Wednesday. I am very nervous, but at the same time I do have God's peace, no matter how much I throw it away and start to worry again. I trust HIM to do what is right for her. I just hope it is what I think it is. Regardless, I will stand behind what HE decides.

And K's family still seems promising, yet seems to be in no hurry to move forward. I think they are getting ready, I am just surprised in the lack of urgency they have to get him under their roof. I am terrified that they will change their minds. I will not know what to do if that is the case. He would be devastated. I shouldn't worry about that one though, I am sure it will work out. At least I'm kinda sure it will.

And, to top it all of, I am annoyed. I am annoyed that a year has past and we don't know if the kids living under our roof are ours or not. Well, I know one of them isn't and I am scared to death the other isn't either and that is horrible. Foster care is exactly as horrible as it is made out to be. But, on the other hand the kids...oh, the kids. They are worth it. I wish I could tell people in a way they could understand that yes, it is hard, yes, it sucks sometimes BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE GLAD YOU DID IT! How do you tell someone that in a way they will get without hiding all the bad? I haven't figured that out yet.

Anyway, to end this post I will just say it.

I want two more kids, right now, that I know are mine.

I want to hear tomorrow that S is staying here.

That is the only thing that could fix my mood right now.

“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.” (Hebrews 6:10)