Sinking in the Water

I keep thinking of the story of Peter walking on water, how the minute that the took his eyes off Jesus and looked around at his circumstance he started sinking.

It is almost embarrassing to post so openly about how scary all of this foster care stuff is to me and how I get all worked up when these court dates come because basically all I am doing is shouting to the world

"I'M TAKING MY EYES OFF JESUS AND LOOKING AT MY CIRCUMSTANCE AND IT ISN'T LOOKING GOOD!"

Makes me kinda rethink what I am doing.

But, I have to admit, yet again, as Lizzy's court date came and went I was nervous. At the last hearing the judge was very upset about Lizzy being placed out of county. She looked at me and said, "This is no refection on you or your care of the child" but all of us walked out of there thinking they may want to discuss moving her back to her county at the next hearing.

Leave it to God to not let that subject even come up. Not a word was spoken about it. The court date yesterday was business as usual. Everything that was discussed was business as usual and was all part of the normal process.

I love these kids so much, the idea of them leaving is very hard for me to deal with but I had a very wise woman tell me this:

"You have to love with an open hand"

I think that is a great way to sum up foster care. Loving with an open hand.

While I am loving with an open hand I have to keep my eyes fixed on the one who loves these kids more than I do.

I am such a work in progress, apparently for all the world to see, but thats ok, I never have claimed to be perfect by any means and I blog to prove it.