Peace in this House

I love this picture. It is so K. He loves having his hands on everyone's face.

I am looking forward to having peace in this house. About a month ago I had had it. I was sick of the passive aggressive behavior. I was sick of the demanding behavior. I was sick of the weird sexual vibe going on that was coming from K. The last straw was K peeing on some of Ben's clothes he had left on the bathroom floor that morning.

I did something I am not proud of, I called and asked that K be removed.

Ever since K has come here I have had SEVERAL instances when I called Ben and said "I am calling to have him removed." and I just never could bring myself to do it. I wanted so badly to make sure, despite all of his issues, that he would go to a good home that could handle him. I couldn't bring myself to call and then have him go to a home that was back in the worst part of Flint that truly only wanted him there for "the money."

So, every time I would call Ben and tell him I was calling to have him removed I never could go through with it. Until about a month ago.

Some days it has been so weird around here.

It is hard to worry about what a kid is going to do in the middle of the night while everyone else is sleeping.

It is hard to have to go check on him every 2 minutes to make sure he wasn't "doing anything" to S.

It is hard to ask a child a question and have then stare back at you trying to make up a lie in their head that won't get them in trouble.

It is hard to have your 4 yr old boy head butt your 2 year old girl in the face.

It is hard to have your 4 yr old boy bite your 7 yr old and leave a mark on him.

It is hard to have your 4 yr old boy hit your 2 yr old nephew in the face because he didn't like what the 2 yr old said.

IT HAS BEEN HARD.

Yet again, I have been lost in a seas of confusion when it comes to how to handle this. It still boiled down to the fact that right then the ONLY people who truly had K's best interest at heart was Ben and I. And we both were ready to move on and give up.

So, I called his social worker. He acted like it was no big deal, "turn in a written 2 week notice and they would move him." I then called his adoption worker and told her because I knew she would care and actually try to do something. Which she did. She immediately started to pull every family that she thought would be interested in adopting him and got to work.

I never turned in the written two week notice.

I never officially went on record as asking to have him moved.

I wanted his next move to be permanent.

I think his next move will be permanent.

I have stuck it out for about a month since calling. Since he has been going to visit his soon to be family he basically has been using all his good behavior up at their house and giving me the rest which is, yet again, hard.

But, I want to do what is BEST for him. I believe we ARE doing what is best for him.

I love that little boy, but I breathed such a sign of relief when he left last night for his 5 days visit with them. It has made me so sad to see how relieved I am to have some time away from him. There are days that he is "enjoyable" but he is just so stressful. So emotionally hard to be in charge of.

I has been hard.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Part of me will definitely miss him, but the other part of me will be relieved, my stress level will lower and I will feel like we accomplished what we were meant to in his life. We were his safe place while he waited for his family. I will always feel BLESSED to have been that for him. As hard as it has been I will never REGRET being that for him. I have given it my best and I am happy his next stop will be HOME.