New little person...

...wandering around my house. Hopefully not right now though, it is past his bedtime. You can see him here

Carving Pumpkins

I took a bazillion pictures but of course S is in most of them so you will have to click here to see all of those.

This year Ben was lucky. Kobe picked a really easy design for his pumpkin, unlike some years.

The kids had lots of fun playing with the guts. They dove right in!

And, of course, Kobe was all about the "vomit".

This is a picture of Kobe with a pumpkin seed in his mouth. I cannot tell you how many times the kids put those in their mouths and then spit them out. They thought it was hilarious.

Cross Road Village

Sunday we ended up having the perfect weather to go let the kids trick or treat at Cross Roads Village. The kids were very excited, most of all about riding on the train!

Kobe was "Storm Shadow" from the GI Joe movie.

We took the kids on the carousel and I had never been on it before be I road on it for Savannah...well, let me just tell you that thing is FAST and scary. I can see why the kids loved it!






At the end of our time there we road the train. S had been talking about it for days. She sat with GG and they would say "choo choo" when ever the train did. She really liked it. That, and her candy :)

To see more pictures click here

New videos

for the next two days I will be posting videos on my other blog. you can see them here

Pumpkin Patch - Visit 2

Last Weekend we decided it was time to go to the pumpkin patch and go on the hay ride and pick pumpkins. The first time was went it was gorgeous outside. This time it was FREEZING!! :) We pulled in and realized that we had managed to come on viper day and Kobe really liked the green one (I am pretty sure his favorite color is Green)

The kids loved the hay ride (S called it the choo choo train) and the liked looking for pumpkins too!





We love doing things with the kids and just having a fun day with no agenda. It has become our goal to have a day with no plans and to do whatever we want. We love it!
Too see more pictures click here

Library Time

Kobe came home the other day very excited about the first book he decided to check out of the school's library. He told me that he had already read 16 pages of it at school. It really cracked me up how excited he was about this and he still really likes the book he chose.

My son also, finally, has 2 front teeth again! They are growing in pretty well so I am happy for that!

you will probably want to read this

Click here

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Teeth Teeth Everywhere...

Tooth #7 came out the other night. Kobe wanted it out and it was ready but I told Kobe AND Ben that there was NO WAY I was pulling this one. It was Ben's turn. Period. It was in a place where he couldn't blame his "Huge Fingers" for not being able to get to the tooth so I was excited. FINALLY! A TOOTH I DID NOT HAVE TO PULL!!!
Or so I thought. Ben "tried" to get it out but said "the only way" he could get it out was by snapping it forward because it wasn't "ready" enough to pull. Well, that freaked Kobe out and I didn't want him to "pop it forward" so I said I would do it. And I did, I just pulled down it and came right out. "Not ready." Pshhh.


This is the face of a man that knew exactly what he was doing when he said it wasn't "ready". You have won again, Ben. You will not out smart me next time.
There was also a little asian person that thought her tooth needed to come out too.
Wouldn't her mother had loved that for the next visit? Bah aha ahahaha haha ha

Anyway, in other news:

I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO HOST A SHUTTERFLY BOOK PARTY!

I am excited about this because I get to give my guests FREE BOOKS! (That is the whole reason I signed up!) I will be inviting friends and family, mostly who are invited to the typical gatherings, so you will be hearing from me!

Me vs. Bio Mom - round one

*Who knew burgundy pumps could make dealing with a Bio Mom seem some much less stressful (these are a lot darker and prettier in person-the camera washed them out-and yes, that is the table runner you gave me Alyssa :) )*

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies"

Sometimes, a lot of the time, I feel like I am stuck in a game of tug of war with S's mom. From the beginning I have talked to S about her mom, I tell her "We are gonna go see your mom today!" the days she has visits because if she has to go I want to her to have fun and remember who her mom is especially if she ends up going back home.

As much as I am so glad that S is comfortable enough now to show emotion, it is hard. She asks if we are going to go see her mom almost once a day. I opened the dialog, I brought it up, but, it is sad to have to tell her no 6 out of 7 days a week.

And, ever since S cried when I tried to hand her back to her mom during one visit her mom has been doing little passive aggressive things at me that involve S. They aren't a huge deal, but when I drop S off at her visits her mom will pick her up and say "Your MY baby" a couple times and I know it is more to me that S which I think is ridiculous. Say it to S and mean it, fine, but using words you are saying to your child to get at me? Grow up. And quite frankly, if you didn't suck just per the fact you got your kid taken away, I think you officially suck now.

So, as I watch her do things at each visit that prove she is incapable of being a productive parent, I feel the tug. The tug to not want her to go back to that and turn out like that. And I see some of it in her. I see the "slowness" that they all have. I see the lack of common sense. I see the vindictiveness. I know she's only two, but it's there.

Yesterday, S asked me again:

"You Kobe's Mommy?"

"You my Mommy?"

and then she cuddled up to me and said "I luves you" just like she always does.

She did tell me something different yesterday. She said, "I have two Mommies" in her shortened two year old talk, then said "Both Mommies"

I feel like I am playing a game that I was told I would lose from the beginning. They told me she was going to go home. In September. Well, that didn't happen but still. We may be in for two years of "second chances" for some one who may or may not deserve them. And in the end, who loses? It's not really me. It's S. Because no matter WHAT happens she is the one that will have attachment issues. She's the one that will have at least a year's worth of pictures of her life that don't include any of her biological family in them. She's the one that will have to grow up in poverty. She's the one that will lose her ONLY Daddy & Grandpas.

And yet, I feel sick because at the end of the day she still LOVES her mom and I don't want to mess with that, ruin it, or take it away. Even if the court some day takes it away I hate the thought of her being sad about it. Because she will.

I feel ill prepared to do this a lot of the time. I don't ask God why HE chose this for me, I just wonder what made Him think I could handle this the way it should be handled. I am short tempered and not very patient. Sometimes I think God chose this just to MAKE me give up any "control" I thought I had of my life, and trust me, it is doing the trick. Sometimes I react horribly and think, "God, if you knew I was going to do that why would you choose me for this?" And today, I don't have the answer for that. He does, but I feel like a failure.

Love your Enemy. I don't think I have EVER been put in the position to actually have to suck it up and do that. Until now.

My child

He likes him some slime. New post over here

i don't like thursdays. but whatever. a little retail therapy may have helped. 2 new pairs of shoes, a craft to do with the kids this weekend, and some pretty hair stuff for S made me feel better.

nothing is wrong. i think i will just put it out there...

i don't care for S's mom.

not that that is surprising.

Special Lunch

Last friday Ben took the day off from work and we decided to pick up Kobe from school and take him out to lunch with us during his lunch hour. He was really excited about this and so were we. Lately it has been more and more important to me to create memories for our family and to go out of our way to do special things for the kids. They are growing up so fast and I don't want to miss a thing!

It also worked out great because this was the last day of spirit week and Ben got to come with us to Kobe's "Wagon Parade" at the end of the day.

Brook's Class


Kobe's Class

bruises bruises every where

if you have seen the picture alyssa posted on facebook of the huge egg like bruise on Grants head you can imagine what Savannah's forehead looks like tonight. she walked into the corner of a wall-and it puffed up immediately.

i just wanted to cry. no, no because it hurt her. it's because every time she gets a scrape, bruise, bug bite, or anything I have to "explain" what happened and quite frankly I am sick of it. This child is very uncoordinated. If I didn't hold her hand and catch her EVERY TIME she tripped in a parking lot (which is every time we are in a parking lot) she would would be black & blue from head to toe. I can only do what I can do, I can't save her from herself every time though. Last week there was a foot board to a bed leaned against the wall and she walked over and pulled it down on herself and really scraped up her head, cheek & ear.

so far no one has given me a hard time about it but i AM SO SICK OF WORRYING ABOUT IT. Every time she runs into something I am taking mental notes so that I can remember how it happened incase it leaves a mark. i was so jealous tonight of people who do not have to explain these things to anyone. i am so jealous of the time in my life that i didn't have to worry about explaining to anyone about Kobe's scraped up knees when he was two years old (no I don't have to explain anything about Kobe - if Savannah didn't have visits with her mom I wouldn't have to explain these little things). I just wish that I could worry about their boo boos, not about how I will explain how it happened.

and to think, i signed up for this :)

it is really annoying.

Spirit Week

Last week was spirit week at Kobe's school. Monday was DRESS CRAZY DAY so I helped Kobe look as crazy as he could. At one point he looked at me and said, "Are you sure "crazy day" is today?" I think he was a little nervous about walking into school looking so silly. He is a lot like his dad that way, Ben is not a fan of dressing up or acting "stupid" in general so that is my department :) When Kobe got home he told me that he was dressed the craziest out of everyone in his whole class and everyone wanted to talk to him and when they would see his they would say "Whoa! Look at Kobe!" - he seemed to enjoy all the attention.

Tuesday was "wear PJs to school" day and Kobe was very excited about this. I had to go out and buy him some slippers and some PJ pants that didn't "show off his booty" too much. he he Another kinda funny thing was that Kobe wanted to sleep in the PJs so he wouldn't have to change his clothes in the morning. I almost did not agree to this because I thought it was kinda icky but he seemed to think that idea was "cool" so I let him.

he wanted to pose like this:

Wednesday was "Class color & stuffed animal" Day - no picture

Thursday was "What you want to be when you grow up" Day...and Kobe picked a Mad Scientist. I thought that was an interesting choice.
Friday was "blue & white"day - no picture.

He had alot of fun that week. Each day the kids got special treats and on Friday they had a wagon parade that was cute. Each class decorated a wagon and paraded down the hallway. I might be able to post video of that tomorrow.

Our Sweet Boy

New post

over here-this is getting kinda old-posting to the other blog. i just don't want my blog to have to always be private so I am keeping both of them for now.