Soap Box

Isaiah 53:5
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

The past few weeks I have been on a path that I am excited about, nervous & apprehensive about. A path I know God has laid for me and still it is almost like I love to sit in my own apprehension and be miserable. I seriously sometimes have a side that likes being miserable. Now, that sounds horrible, but believe it or not, the TRUTH is always beautiful. It means you are willing to stop denying it.
For a few months now every time I start to feel nerous about anything I call up a phrase I heard once: "There are plenty of things to think about but NOTHING to worry about." Now, as nice as this phrase is and it does ring true, it is not the truth I want to cling to. I want to cling to the promises of God, not the phrases of men. I fail so much, time after time I sin and do things I know God does not want me to and He blesses me abundantly anyway.
But the Truth that I currently need to cling to is that "He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." That is what I want to hold so close to my heart that it covers my entire being. Remembering that the things I do that are wrong, my sin, is why He was pierced, crushed and punished. And here I am, doing with my life what I want, giving Him the parts I am OK with Him having and that's it. Now, those are my bad days, i have great days where I am "in this thing" 100%. I just am ready for MOST if not ALL of my days to be the good ones, not just some days, you know?
I truly just want to remember and be a constant REMINDER of what God did for all of us. You know when you have been around someone that is filled with God's love, it is so thick around them you feel like it has touched you. I have always wanted to grow up to be one of those little old ladies that everyone loves to be around, is described as a "prayer warrior", you know the type. That is "what I want to be when I grow up".