"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

In Response to my own post

I have to share a story with you. After posting yesterday about a day where I actually got something right, I have to take the time to tell you about my failure that led me to it.

Years ago, I imagine almost 6 years ago, I was in Meijer (yes, all I do is shop :)). I had little Kobe with me and I was shopping for our weekly groceries. I was in line to pay. I had a full cart, I am sure that there was around $100 worth of groceries in my cart. There was a lady in front of me who had a little one of her own with her. She too had a cart FULL of groceries. The cashier went through, scanned all her items and when it was time to pay she pulled out her credit card to pay...and it was declined. They tried it again, it was declined again. Right them God told me "Pay for her groceries." That is when my excuses began.

All the excuses that ran through my head:

-God didn't just say that to me, I just thought it myself.

-Look at all the pop she is buying, she does not need all that pop.

(by this time she had headed to the ATM to try to pull money out so she could pay for her groceries)

-See Lord, she is going to the ATM, it will work out.

But, He wouldn't leave me alone. And I fought Him on it. My excuses kept going through my head but I thought to myself "I will walk past her at the ATM (which was NOT on my way out) and I will see if everything worked out. If it didn't I will offer to pay for her groceries if the opportunity comes up" So, I walked past her. She was not having any luck at the ATM. My excuses started again:

-She will be embarrassed if I offer to buy her groceries.

-She will think I am CRAZY if I tell her God wants me to buy her groceries for her.

So, she walked out to her car, without her groceries, and I walked out to my car with a cart full of groceries.

As I loaded my car I saw her drive past me, she wasn't crying, she was drinking a Starbucks coffee.

-See Lord, she doesn't need my money, she had enough money to go to Starbucks (which I NEVER do). She didn't need my money.

I was still making excuses as she drove off.

I know that I was supposed to buy her groceries, I knew I was supposed to buy her groceries, and I didn't.

To this day, when ever I have a situation come up like I did at Walgreens that day comes to mind. The day I said, no God, I must not be hearing you right.

I still think about that day, such an insignificant day really, that changed me. I screwed up. I have since then tried to not let that happened again. I learned a much needed lesson that day. I have regretted that moment for a long time. On the other hand, I am also thankful for it. It made me very aware of what I had missed out on and the regret I would feel if I let it happen again.

I couldn't sit here like "super christian" and only have you read about when I got it right, it is equally important for me to share my failures. I always laugh when people say "God is really using you", most days I am too pathetic for Him to be able to use. But once in a while, when He feels like showing off, He chooses one of His most pathetic children to do something that needs to be done. Because HE can.


Becca B. said...

Two days of POWERFUL posts! God is so good, and faithful, and He does give us such clear guidance and direction and even plain as day answers, when we look and listen.

I'm continually praying for you, S, and all of your family as you approach this coming season in your fostering journey. My heart aches for you, only another foster mom can "get" this kind of pain, and mixed emotions...

Glad your back to updating this blog regularly...I'm trying to get back into regular blogging, it just very easy to slip it to the bottom of the to do list; even below watching TV when I'm feeling tired after a long day.

Rebekah said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who blows it...

Funny thing is when I wrote a very similar post last week, I had all these people commenting about how I didn't miss the mark because I DID do something...just not the something God asked me to do.

I wanted to be like, PEOPLE. YOU DON'T GET IT. Only doing half of what God asks you to do still equates to failure...and messing up.

I'm thankful that our mishaps teach us lessons and that our Father never stops loving us - no matter how badly we screw it up.

Trudy said...

I found your blog thru Linny's blog.
Wow, you truly have smacked me in the head with your last two posts.
One because I have had those battles with God. Ouch.
Two because next Tuesday March 16th my 10 year old son Jake is sceduled for open heart surgery (his second one). Third because we have friends who have sent us 2 checks in the mail (same family) and I know that they could really use that money and we had another family who had planned a yardsale and when they heard that we were facing surgery they decided they were giving us everything they made from it (I tried to get them to keep the money and they wouldn't).
Thank you for sharing both stories on your blog....you have given me something to truly think about.

Leah Wentzel said...

Trudy, I will be praying for you son! I would love to hear from you afterwards to hear he is safe and hear what GOD does!!!!!

StarfishMom said...

I know that it's hard Leah. Having them here tested my limits DAILY. It took a LONG time but I feel that I'm finally at the place where I can say that I am confident that God is in control. Lately, I have seen MANY situations where the kids go home and then come back into care. This fostering thing is not for the weak. But I know that God is using it to bring me closer to HIM!. Trust Him, Seek Him. He wants what is best for you and S.
He is faithful!!!