"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Savannah's First Official Weekend Visit

I do not want to post about this.

But I will.

Everything started off great. S was excited to go see her mom for the weekend. Ever since she has opened up (since coming to our house) she has really rolled with the punches. She was happy to see her mom at supervised visits and fine to come home with us. I think she has kind of a "play land" outlook on her mom right now. For 12 months she only saw her for either 1 hour a week, 2 hours a week, or no hours a week. They would bring candy (visit was from 11 am - 1 pm, lunch time, but they would only bring a piece of candy to feed her) and then they would play with toys with her for the remainder of the time and that is all she has known of her mom for 1 year. You can see, after initially not wanting to see her mom right after she was first taken, how that could change. It has been all fun and games and absolutely no discipline for a WHOLE YEAR. Can you imagine if we tried that out with our own kids? Anyway....

So, off she went-fast forward to 6:30 pm the night I was meeting them to bring her back here. They send me a picture text that shows Savannah in their car dead asleep and say "we're on our way". I am thinking "Great, she doesn't fall asleep in the car unless she hasn't had a nap. Plus, having her take a nap at 6:30 in the evening is going to make bed time real easy".

So, I meet them and Savannah is still asleep in the car. May I mention here that their car has all the windows rolled up and mom and grandma are both smoking in the car? Wonderful. Anyway, Mom hops out and tries to move Savannah while she is sleeping from her car to mine saying "She will probably sleep right through this" - to which I think, "No she won't, she doesn't sleep through stuff like that."

So, Savannah's eyes pop open, she comes to me and gives me a hug, mom takes her and puts in my car, straps her in, and Savannah starts getting weepy. She isn't crying, to me it looked like her exhausted look, but mom takes it as Savannah being sad about leaving her (which I think was also part of it) and unbuckles the seat and pulls her out of the car and starts crying (mom is crying I mean) and starts talking/lowdly complaining about how this is everyone else's fault. It is Savannah's lawyer's fault because he wants everything perfect.

He is the one that wanted her bed put together before Savannah came this weekend!


He was the one that wanted the horribly stained carpet cleaned before she came!


She just went on and on about how this is everyone else's fault and continued to get more hysterical all the while holding Savannah.

Yes, I am so sure this is all going to help Savannah.

At one point, Grandma gets out of the car, Savannah still isn't crying, but Mom and Grandma both are now and they are in a three person hug. At this point, regardless of the lack of common sense in all of this, the scene was very heart breaking. I may be sarcastic about the things these people come up with, but I am not heartless about a mom that loves her kid. If I had it within in my power I probably would have called the judge and said "Send her home NOW!" if it was based upon love. But when it is based upon so many other factors I still don't know that I would ever suggest she move home.

But, it's not up to me.

So, Grandma puts Savannah in the car, mom is bawling so I go hug her. She latches on to me and just bawls. I tell her everything will be ok. I assume their version of "ok" will happen at the next hearing.

I cannot tell you how odd it is to deal with the woman who gave birth to a child you have been mothering for 9 months. How confusing and unnatural it is to try to encourage her to get her act together so she can "take" a child I have loved like my own back. I look at her and think "I want to raise your child!" all the while knowing that this child is literally all she has. I want Savannah to grow up in a stable home. I want her to grow up to be able to FUNCTION in society. I want her to come to know the Lord! I could list 100 things I want for her that will probably never happen if she goes home. Yet, taking this woman's child, no matter how it were to happen, almost feels like stealing.

Savannah came home with me. She sat on my lap all evening. She wouldn't play, it took a lot for me and my sister to get her smiling. She would smile for me. Her real smile thank God. It reminds me of the movie The Notebook. How Noah would read to Allie to bring her back from her Alzheimers. I feel like that is what I do. I have to bring Savannah, our Savannah, back after she has played other Savannah all weekend.

Oh, and if you would like to know how bad the lack of sleep was, let's put it this way-Monday, she went down to take a nap at 3:30 pm and slept all through the afternoon, dinner, bedtime, and didn't get up until 7:00 am the next morning.

Nice parenting.

Her mom promised her she would call her everyday.

She hasn't called at all.

She is back to normal but you can tell she wasn't told "No" about anything and keeps trying out all this manipulative crap on me to get her way. I don't give in and she is still ok. She isn't throwing fits or anything and she still looks at me and says "I'm Mommy's Girl".

I know that she means me. She specifies.


StarfishMom said...

It's breaking my heart to read this Leah. Sounds like Savannah is so torn. The only thing that I have ahd to do to come close to this is bring the boys to their visit at their mother's house only for her not to show up. They kept asking me "why can't I see mommy or my brother". How do you explain to a 2 and 3 year old that mommy is not there??? Please make sure the caseworker is informed of ALL of this!!! Savannah NEEDS stability and to think that her mother doesn't 'get' that is kinda scary!!! :::praying:::

the johnson crew said...

and the caseworker does need to know they were smoking in front of her. - sounds more like bio mom's love for "S" is pretty selfish... not for the benefit for "S" but for her own comfort. - i struggle too... you know all about it ... with our bio parents, and how they live in a dreamworld that they are the "perfect parents" and they were wronged in having had thier children taken from them. it is so sad, but it is not for the best interest of the kids... and that is what is so important.

praying for you guys as you comfort S. I am sure it was so confusing for them to sob over her like that.

Leah Wentzel said...

Cynthia, I did tell the worker this whole story, I forgot about the smoking part though when I was taking to her. I am going to document all of this and send it to Savannah's lawyer before the next hearing. He is the only one that will do anything about it.

Janelle, the "love" IS WITHOUT A DOUBT a selfish love. As if S is an object they need to get back because she is theirs. I hope someday that changes, especially if she goes home.

gram said...

So sad. I can not understand the court system. I feel so bad thinking S. may have to a home in this situation. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Love ya

Shelly Marie said...

That is just horrible that she "PROMISED" to call her everyday.....You don't "PROMISE" a child anything if you have NO intentions of following through with that "PROMISE!!" It must be hard on her going from schedule and rules to having none of that!! Kids do need to have stability in there "little" lives!! We are praying for her and for you guys!! Love ya

Rebekah said...

This was really hard to read. Really hard. It's hard to understand what God is doing and how this possibly makes sense.

Leah Wentzel said...

Rebekah, I am glad I am not the only one that doesn't understand this BUT I am sure of this:

I have watched many stories that look utterly hopeless, that have completely fallen apart be some how glued back together by GOD. He will do something. I don't know what it is, I don't know that I will ever get to see WHAT it is, but HE tends to take our pain and make something BEAUTIFUL out of it (as you know ALL to well :) ).

I cling to that.

Kelli said...

leah, you just amaze me. God amazes me. Kids amaze me. Praying for you and this situation.