"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I knew this would happen...

...but you would think from my reaction I had no idea it would.

OK, when we got S everyone was talking September.  "She is going home in September" - always the plan.  

Then, as I watched S's Mom's lack of progress I knew September was a dream.  After talking to S's lawyer I realized that September was a joke.  Finally everyone else it catching up on this fact.  In a post last week I think I mentioned that S is pretty my guaranteed to be with us until December, actually a little past that.  Well, now March is being thrown around as the EARLIEST that she could go home and that is based upon her mom doing everything that needs to be done:

-gain employment

-get approved for help from the govt with rent

-find a place for S and her to live

-finish  parenting classes

-continue to pass drug tests

-complete a home study

-prove she can maintain a stable living environment for S

-get approved for SSI (whatever that is - don't ask me)

In the past 5 1/2 mo. she has done her parenting classes, done her drug tests and got on food stamps.  She has also supposedly been diagnosed with bi polar (which she is not able to get medication for), and discovered that her heart is not working correctly but has had no further doc visits because her medicaid was discontinued because S is no longer living with her.

In the words of S's social worker "It could take 2 years for her mom to do all of this."
She also said that she ran across a document that was filed before she was given this case and it says the "Date of return" has been filed as March and there is nothing she can do to change that - as in make it sooner.  There is plenty that can happen to make it take much longer than that.

And, with that I was thrilled and my heart sunk all at the same time.

You know why.  It is the same reason everyone looks at me and what Ben and I decided to do and says, "I could never do it."  "What are you going to do when she has to go home."  "Isn't that going to be hard?"

Many times I feel like rolling my eyes and saying, "Wow" because seriously, you think we don't think it is going to SUCK if/when she goes home?  really?  yeah.

You think I don't spend most days turning to God begging Him to give me the strength to TRUST HIM with S & our family's hearts as all this happens?  Do you think I had any choice to begin with?  I am THRILLED to say God chose us for this!  I am even more thrilled to say that when God asked us to do it we ACTUALLY said yes, we would do it.  No matter what.  Because HE asked us to.  I can only imagine how many other people He has asked that said exactly what everyone says to me.  "I could never do it."

The thing I struggle with is, in my head, I jump right past all the wonderful time we will have with S and go straight to the day she leaves.  That is why my heart sinks.  But, it is not written in stone either way here.  God knows what the out come will be.

Ben said something last night that I have NEVER been willing to even utter probably because of my horrible lack of faith.

He was talking to Kobe and asked him if I had told him that S would probably be with us longer and Kobe said Yes.  And then Ben said, "It is another step towards S maybe being able to stay."
And he's right.  It is.  Or it's not.  But, every minute she is given to us is time God wants her here so I am thrilled that she is not going home in September.  I even more thrilled that she isn't going home in December.  So, we'll just go from there.

Also, you can click here to see a video of the kids playing with Ben :)

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us...let us not love with word or tongue, but with action and in truth." I John 3:16-18

PS I just got a call from S's social worker.  She got a voice mail from S's mom saying she wouldn't be able to come to the visit today because she doesn't have gas money.  Also, her cell phone has been turned off.  So she left a message from a friend's phone.


Vicki Aeschliman said...

Wow! That's all I can really think to say. I am so happy she will be with our family longer. She is such a sweet girl and seems to just fit with us.

cindy said...

Wow is the word I was also thinking of. Dad and I pray everyday for all of you, your hearts to be protected and that HE will guide you all. I am glad that we will have S for CHRISTmas, seems like GOD is watching out for the children just like HE said in his word. All we can do is watch Him work.
Love you,

gram said...

I agree wow. I know your family has really helped S. and will continue to help her grow in all ways.

Alyssa said...

So many things came to my mind as I read your post tonight. I love Ben's attitude. I always have :). You both (all three) are exactly who the Lord has chosen for this time in her life. It has been extended for a reason. We are praying for you all. We sure do hope we get to meet her too.
Love you.