I don't know what is going on, but the spiritual warfare that is going on around myself and my friends that also foster is THICK with attack. The ones who are at risk the most are our kids, but we mom's are getting pummeled as well. So many of us are ready to give up and I KNOW that IS NOT what God wants.
I am going away this weekend. I thought about putting my girls in respite care for a few days and also making sure it would be during their visits so that I would miss that as well, but we don't want to do anything that would scare them and being given to strangers again would be scary I am sure so, even though Ben said that we would do whatever I needed, I couldn't bring myself to risk scaring them. I am hoping that by taking off on Saturday evening and not coming home until after the kids are in bed on Sunday will help...I think God and I have some talking to do.
Tonight Ben looked at me and said, "I have seen this coming for a couple months." I was surprised and said, "Saw what coming?" He said, "I knew eventually you would have to deal with S leaving." Funny thing is that I would have never told you that was what was wrong with me these past few days. I would have said it was dealing with the bio families and the system not doing what it should or I probably would have named off a number of other things-but Ben knew before even I did. Not that it is ever far from my mind.
So, hopefully I get something figured out because I can't keep going on like this.
Also, to all my friends who are broken hearted because of their foster kids leaving when they shouldn't be, I don't have any words that will make you feel better, but there HAS to be something good coming because whatever it is has the devil so mad that he is on the defensive and trying to get us to give up any way he can. He is desperate, absolutely desperate. God is moving, we just have to trust.