"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Monday, August 30, 2010

Lizzy's Visits

Our little Lizzy...I'm so proud of her.

She is NOT a quitter, she DOES NOT give up. And, I will do what I can to NOT let that get taken away from her. When you are able to channel that into your personality in a positive way, in a way that honors God...it is awesome.

Her visits are the same every week. She goes in and plays with her mom no problem...and then she sees legal dad and flips her lid.

Let me explain this with a story.

In a McDonald's play place this week I had to go up in it and get Lizzy out because she was scared. Once we exited the play place she ran over to a man she had never met and reached up for him to pick her up and he did and she let him comfort her. Of course I took her back rather quickly, but I had been talking to him while I was there and...well, you get used to your kids doing this when you are a foster mom. Anyway, the point being, this child likes everyone. EVERYONE.

So, getting back to the visit, she has had 4 visits with Mr. Legal dad and still screams every time that she sees him, he talks to her, and when she knows they are doing to try to take her back in that room with him. I actually video taped the screaming with my phone this time. If I loose my mind I might actually post it.

So, this week was no exception. I had left the other two kids with friends so that I could deal with this at least one week by myself. When Lizzy saw her legal dad come in for the visit she freaked out and started climbing me like usual. She acted so badly that the worker let me come in with her, as I stood up I was shaking. I am very shocked by the way my body has been physically reacting to these situations. I am ok in my head, but my body hasn't caught up to that I guess. I think God has given my mind a numbness but the physical reaction is very strong.

Anyway, I went into the visit and "controlled" Lizzy. Every time he talked to her she screamed. He brought her snacks so, because I wouldn't give them to her, she took them from him. I went and sat next to him on the floor and she tolerated sitting next to him as long as it was on me.

I would wander around the room and then step out once in a while. I would stand next to the door way but out of sight-the door was open-and within 10 seconds she would come find me to make sure I hadn't left her. It was the same old nightmare, but I was glad they asked me to come in. At least she didn't have to go through it alone.

I am truly blessed to be the one God picked to go through this with her. I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else.

I am a lucky Mama.


Stacey said...

Hi Leah,

Love your blog and commented on your August 24 post I believe! So glad I found you. God appointed I think.

I would love to be able to share in your pictures and videos of the kids,if that would be OK.



Tammy said...

I have been there. It really takes a lot out of you physically, emotionally and spiritually.I will be praying on Mondays for you. I always tried to have our harder visits on Friday because I needed the weekend to pull it back together.
Lifting you up, Tammy

Foster mama K said...

Hugs, I know how much that takes out of you let alone poor Lizzy

Diane said...

Are you seeing any improvement? Do you feel there is any benefit to Lizzy with these visits with legal dad? If not, considering this is now a pattern, I would make sure her attorney/GAL knows the details of theses visits, and perhaps you can strongly recommend that he/she comes and witnesses one of them soon. If this is truly out of charater for Lizzy, and if you feel these visits are not in her best interest, her attorney/GAL should at least notify the court to determine if they should be stopped, or at a minimum held in a therapeutic setting.

Hats off to you for facilitating as much as possible. This is an awful position to be in as a foster parent, when you are expected to do something that your gut tells you is not in your child's best interest. Good luck!

FootPrints said...

i can't believe they haven't stopped these awful visits when it's causing her harm!!!

Becca B. said...

I can't imagine how hard it is to go through this with her.

Leah Wentzel said...

hi stacey, i ship you over an invite

everyone else :) ,

lizzy GAL has already mentioned that he would like the visits stopped and was prepared call a hearing to have them stopped but we haven't had a chance to talk since then.

she has court this Friday so we will see what happens.

Joy said...

been there, done that....for my son luckily and not so luckily the visits stopped, now he feels abandoned, but more stable. There is no easy answer but keep praying and God will continue to bless the situation even though it does not feel like it at the time.