She is NOT a quitter, she DOES NOT give up. And, I will do what I can to NOT let that get taken away from her. When you are able to channel that into your personality in a positive way, in a way that honors God...it is awesome.
Her visits are the same every week. She goes in and plays with her mom no problem...and then she sees legal dad and flips her lid.
Let me explain this with a story.
In a McDonald's play place this week I had to go up in it and get Lizzy out because she was scared. Once we exited the play place she ran over to a man she had never met and reached up for him to pick her up and he did and she let him comfort her. Of course I took her back rather quickly, but I had been talking to him while I was there and...well, you get used to your kids doing this when you are a foster mom. Anyway, the point being, this child likes everyone. EVERYONE.
So, getting back to the visit, she has had 4 visits with Mr. Legal dad and still screams every time that she sees him, he talks to her, and when she knows they are doing to try to take her back in that room with him. I actually video taped the screaming with my phone this time. If I loose my mind I might actually post it.
So, this week was no exception. I had left the other two kids with friends so that I could deal with this at least one week by myself. When Lizzy saw her legal dad come in for the visit she freaked out and started climbing me like usual. She acted so badly that the worker let me come in with her, as I stood up I was shaking. I am very shocked by the way my body has been physically reacting to these situations. I am ok in my head, but my body hasn't caught up to that I guess. I think God has given my mind a numbness but the physical reaction is very strong.
Anyway, I went into the visit and "controlled" Lizzy. Every time he talked to her she screamed. He brought her snacks so, because I wouldn't give them to her, she took them from him. I went and sat next to him on the floor and she tolerated sitting next to him as long as it was on me.
I would wander around the room and then step out once in a while. I would stand next to the door way but out of sight-the door was open-and within 10 seconds she would come find me to make sure I hadn't left her. It was the same old nightmare, but I was glad they asked me to come in. At least she didn't have to go through it alone.
I am truly blessed to be the one God picked to go through this with her. I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else.
I am a lucky Mama.