"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

"I knew God wanted ALL of me, yet I feared what complete surrender to Him would mean." - Francis Chan

I have come to an interesting place in my life.

I am married.

I have kids.

The conventional way AND not so conventional way.

I have a job.

I have a life.

And I still want more.

I remember, not so long ago, a time in my life that I was very very very OK with just doing what I consider the bare minimum of "Christianity".

I went to church, tithed, was nice to people, didn't drink, didn't do drugs, didn't smoke, helped people when they needed it, didn't cheat on my husband, sent my child to a Christian school...and life was easy.

I actually knew that if I stuck with just that, nothing more, or nothing less, I wouldn't raise any red flags that would bring enemy attack on me. Pathetic.

I was scared that some day God would ask me to do something that would cost me too much and that it might hurt. I didn't want to loose anything, I didn't want feel anything besides happiness and contentment. I didn't want to do it. Lukewarm at it's BEST.

Then, God stirred our hearts towards foster care. In HIS usual loving way, God didn't show us the whole picture and didn't start it out in our hearts as some "ultimate calling" on our lives. We were going to jump in, get out kids, and jump out. We wouldn't stay in it love enough to have to get dirty or hurt, because that wouldn't happen to us.

Here we are almost 2 years later and obviously we have been blessed in so many ways AND hurt AND confused AND challenged AND so many other things.

We are in this for the long haul. I know that there is a happy ending mixed in with all of this chaos. I don't know when it is going to come or how. But that's OK.

In the mist of all these circumstances and trials that are pushing on us at every turn God has been pulling me towards HIM in order to give me peace, strength and hope.

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” (Isaiah 26:3)

He wants to give us the desires of our heart and He will. It may not be in the time frame I would choose, but I am ok with that.