I am tired.
I am emotionally spent.
I have given it my best and it is obvious that that isn't going to be enough.
I am finally starting to realize that that is exactly where you want me.
You want me to know that it isn't about what I could do.
It isn't about how hard I am willing to fight for my kids.
It isn't about me.
It is about you, and what you can and will do.
In my weakness your strength shines through.
And I am so very very weak right now.
I feel like I should have done more.
That if things don't work out the way I want them to that I failed.
My hopes and dreams "failing" are not about me.
It is about you.
It is about you getting me right where you want me.
Where you can finally teach me that not getting what I want isn't about failure...it is about trust.
Finally getting to a place where I can truly trust you even when things don't go my way.
I know that has been your plan all along, this and so much more.
I am so glad what feels like failure to me will end up being me finally seeing you for who you are.
“Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.
It's who you are.
It's who you want me so desperately to know you are.
It's who I need you to be.