"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Dear Lizzy,

Oh, sweet baby girl, where do I start?

I just want to say I am sorry, this in not fair. How dare they make you go in a room alone with a man you don't know when you are crying and begging not to.

How dare they not let you see the man that obviously loved on you before I even knew you.

I am so sorry, baby girl, that you don't know who your mommy & daddy are. I would give anything to know the answer to that question as well.

I know that everything you see and experience leads you to believe that we are your mama & daddy and truthfully we love it. We want to be that for you-forever.

It breaks my heart when you want me and I have to push you towards people that aren't there for you every day. It is gut wrenching to watch you try to get away from these people and run to me and have to let it happen.

Lizzy, this all really sucks, but I promise, I am in it for the long haul. I will love you forever, even if I don't get to hold you forever. I am doing the best I can for you-whatever I am allowed.

I love you, and when you call me "Mommy" my world stops just for a few seconds and I know how every blessed I am.

You are worth it.
You are worth it.
You are worth it.




StarfishMom said...

:*( Poor baby. Poor Mama...

Maggie said...

Love this post.

I swear, we really should meet up sometime...we always post the same things!

Created For His Glory said...

You're a good mommy!!!

Melba said...

This sort of breaks my heart. Following your story is eye opening to me. I don't know how you do it but I'm so glad you do.


the johnson crew said...

wow, brings back memories... and i don't miss those days.

aka. Mimi said...

Oh, poor little thing! I am SO THANKFUL that my Baby J took to his daddy right away, and he was always happy to see him.

I always felt bad when my teenage foster daughter had visits with her parents. She would spend the entire morning trying to find some way to get out of the visit. Baby J was her son, and he went on some of those visits with her. She would text me the entire time saying how her parents cared more about the baby than they did about her, and it would take a couple of days to pull her out of the sadness that inevitably hit her every time she saw her parents. ...Not because she wanted to go back with them, but because she felt like they didn't care enough to TRY to get her back and that they only wanted to see HER as a way to see the baby.

I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is with a little one. Everything in you wants to say, "That's it! I'm not putting this child through this torment!" But we don't have a choice... (My LEAST favorite thing about foster care)

Like you said though... THEY ARE WORTH IT!!!

Deb said...

Heart breaking!