"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow into them."

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Making my life sound interesting

I feel like there isn't anything that interesting to talk about. Just the same old stuff.


This week S had her first counseling session where they have "anatomically correct" dolls that they will use to let her act out what goes on at her mom's house or whatever she wants to talk about. I felt like the counselor was very unprepared for us. She kept asking me who people were, she didn't know the names of any of the people they would like to discuss with S...it just seemed kinda dumb to me.

Her social worker came for her monthly home visit. She wants S to be in some type of head start program this coming school year. I would like her in a head start program as well, out side of our home. Because she is only 3 I think they might only be able to offer some person coming to the house and working with her on random stuff and that isn't what I want and I don't even know if I am allowed to say no to that. Also, even though I do want her in head start, i kinda got the vibe that if I didn't it wouldn't matter if they though she should be in it. It was just weird. I wanted K in head start so bad and could never get him in and here they are making S do it one way or another...if I want it they don't help, if I don't they shove it down my throat. This is getting more and more awesome.

She is off at her mom's house this weekend. They didn't know if they would have enough gas money to bring her back because the social worker told them she would either meet them at our meeting place and give them a check for gas money or give it to me to give them-she didn't do either.


Ok, here is my confession about Lizzy. She had visitation on Wednesday. My mom's birthday was Wednesday so as it ended up, by the time it was time for her visits she had had only a 20 minute nap. She was hell on wheels during her visit. The first one, with bio mom, she was ok with her mom, LOVED seeing bio dad, and screamed when her aunt, brother and cousin tried to get a hug or anything. She wasn't into her mom and only wanted me and bio dad. Her mom brought her 1/2 a bag of skittles and fed them all to her during the 1 hr visit and brought her out to me covered in skittle puke. Great parenting.
Legal dad showed up for his visit and while we waited for that in the waiting room (waited for mom to get done with her visit so he could have his) bio dad and legal dad were both in the waiting room with me. The tension was THICK to say the least. Bio dad wants to beat the crap our of legal dad and trust me, he could.
So, anyway, mom brings puke covered Lizzy to me and they all say good bye and I go and clean Lizzy up because I can't take her home, she HAS to have the next visit.
Legal Dad says Hi to Lizzy and she freaks out and starts screaming. She won't go any where near him and I look at the social worker and mouth "Do you want me to try to get her to go?" she says yes, but Lizzy isn't having it. The social worker asks me TO COME INTO THE VISIT BECAUSE LIZZY WON'T GO and I have to drag Kobe and S in with me to this tiny little room with Mr. Heroin addict. He tries to talk to Lizzy and she screams. He tries to give her this bear that lights up and she screams. Eventually she takes the bear but only long enough to heave it onto the floor and scream and try to leave the room.

Eventually it was time for S's counseling (same building) so I snuck out of the room while Lizzy isn't looking only to hear her scream as she notices I left. Anyway, in the end they ended the visit early because Lizzy was a mess.

My confession is that I didn't tell them why she was acting that way, no nap. Honestly, I think it showed the social worker who she likes and who she doesn't and all the sudden they are starting to get serious about seeing if bio dad can have visitation and perhaps stopping legal dad's. I do not think that they will stop his visits, but who knows.


Kobe starts school on Aug. 30. He tried out for flag football at our church on Tuesday which he will be doing starting very soon. He went over to a friend's house this week which I am dure he enjoyed. This morning I left Lizzy in her highchair eating breakfast while I threw a load of laundry. I came back up stairs and Kobe was feeding Lizzy because "she was having a hard time and couldn't do it herself" and when she was done he put her plate on the counter, moved her sippy cup, and got her out of the high chair like a pro. He blesses my heart EVERY SINGLE DAY.

So, that's what my life looks like. It is wonderful and extremely challenging all at the same time.


gram said...


Endless Foster Love said...

It is amazing what you witness throughout all of the fostering process. That sure is a lot of visits in one day for poor Lizzy. How long total does all the visits together take?

Keep your head up=)

Leah Wentzel said...

they each get an hour, so 2 hrs total. they put them one after the other for "my convenience" but I am sure it is more their convenience.

what visits boil down to is that there is nothing convenient about them. period.